Three Simple Tricks For Introverts To Be More Talkative TODAY

Introvert becoming more talkative and talking to two babes

Being more talkative can be intimidating for introverts. Even if you hate social settings, there are easy opportunities to build your social skills daily.

James,

Today I was sitting in Starbucks a bit frustrated. Why was I frustrated? Because I sat down to knock out my next letter to you but I couldn’t think of anything to teach you. I typed about 700 words and deleted them all. I took a break and got in line for a coffee refill. In my head I kept trying to figure what I could teach you when something amazing happened.

I thought to myself, “I should just talk to a stranger and see what happens.” There was a girl standing a few feet in front of me wearing a jacket that looked like brown sheep’s wool. It looked like one of the softest jackets I had ever seen. That was my in. Then something terrible happened.

I froze up. She was a bit of a ways from me. I was behind her. How do I engage her? (You should never approach from behind) All these stupid little things I had forgotten about. I knew I had to say something or be a total hypocrite.

When she finished her order I kind of just blurted out, “That jacket is crazy.” Why did I say that?
“What?” She asked.
“That jacket looks like the softest jacket on the planet,” I recovered. “I’m like, jealous.”
“Oh thanks,” she said.

I couldn’t understand why it was so painful. Why I felt so stiff. So rigid.

The thing is James, you can’t just turn “charm” on like a switch.

That’s when I realized what I would teach you today.

How Introverts Can Become Talkative

You see James, you and I are introverts. We like to look inward often. We analyze our thoughts and actions frequently. If we aren’t in an “official” social setting like a party or bar we generally keep to ourselves.

If you want to learn how to get women you have to be able to talk to them. If you only practice talking to women at parties, you aren’t really giving yourself very many opportunities to build your confidence. Having so few chances is also a lot of pressure to get it right.

To become better with women you have to become better with people in general first. Once you are comfortable talking to strangers all around you, talking to girls in social settings will be all that much easier, and even natural.

If you don’t get a grip on talking to girls in real life, you will rely on “safer” methods to meet women like adding her on Facebook, which is a MISTAKE.

Warming Up Your Talking Muscles

Before you lift weights, swing a golf club, or throw a football, what do you do? You warm up.

Why? Because your body is not ready for that sudden shift in activity. The same thing with your brain and being talkative. As an introvert, warming up your social muscles is totally necessary.

When I wanted to talk to the girl in line, my social muscles were cold and stiff. I basically pulled a muscle and tore my social ACL. (I wasn’t even try to pick this girl up or anything like that and I still couldn’t just say “nice jacket”) That’s okay. I recognized it immediately and with my experience I know how to fix it: Just socialize more.

two dudes talking by the ocean

“This feels intimate. Why did you bring me out here?”
“Relax bro. I’m just warming up my social muscles then we’re totally picking up chix latr.”
“LOL.”

When you warm up to run what do you do? You run slow. It sounds like I’m beating a dead horse but I’m making a point. The only way to loosen up your social muscles is to socialize. It requires another human. That means you cannot just:

  • Think yourself into being more talkative
  • Talk yourself up in the mirror into being more talkative
  • Listen to upbeat music or drink a ton of caffeine to be more talkative

All of those things will HELP if you are already in a talkative mood, but they won’t START you talking.

You cannot use your analytical brain to be more talkative. We analytical introverts suffer an issue that our analysis overrides our socialization (think about the Tampa breakdown scene in Hang-Ups and Hangovers). To be more talkative you have to turn off your analytical brain and turn on your social brain.

When I wanted to talk to that girl I was actually inside my head, frustrated about what to write for this letter. I actually transitioned horribly from my analytical typing brain to my social talkative brain. When I finally spoke, something awkward blurted out of my face.

Even though I’m sitting here writing you now about how to talk to women, I hope you understand that nobody reaches a point in life where this will just become effortless forever. You will always have to stay on top of your game to be good. However, once you learn the lessons you’ll see exactly how to fix problems quickly.

You and I are both capable of intelligent conversation, James. I know it and you know it. But sometimes we can find ourselves tongue tied. It’s because we didn’t properly warm up.

Talk to Strangers to Get in a Talkative Mood

Like I did with the girl in line at Starbucks, the best way to be more talkative is to say hello to some stranger. This is the quickest, most effective, most rewarding way to warm up your social muscles. This is like diving into the deep end of the pool to get used to the water…and learn how to swim.

This is great practice for introverts. You don’t have to go out of your way or be in a very social setting. You can do this anywhere. It takes about ten seconds, you don’t need to have an entire conversation.

While in line you can say something nice about someone in front of or behind you. Or crack a joke. Just say anything. Once you get the first greeting under your belt it becomes exponentially easier and even a little fun to see their pleased reactions to your engagement. Remember when you speak to anyone you should ALWAYS be practicing our confidence boosting exercise.

Talk to Workers / Employees

Say hello to the person at the counter when you go to the gas station to become more talkative. Ask the woman in the mall her opinion of outfits you’re interested in. By talking to someone who is paid to be nice to you, you are warming up your social muscles but your aren’t really preparing yourself for the pressures of talking to strangers, let alone strange girls. Therefore, you don’t really get as much out of this method as you do just talking to strangers.

If you are going out for a night on the town, talk up your taxi or uber driver. They LOVE to talk, and they are listening to the news or sports radio all day so they always have current events to share.

Talk to Friends and Family

This is the easiest way to warm up and offers the least social experience.

Chat with friends or family after work. I have some friends I chat with about how our businesses are going, the challenges we’re facing this week (like writing a fresh letter to James every day), etc. It doesn’t matter much what the topic you talk about as long as you can find a way to talk.

Talking with friends and family has some benefits to making you more talkative, but it’s just not the same. There’s no pressure. You should be totally comfortable with these people, so it probably doesn’t really engage those social muscles.

It’s the same as standing in place to warm up for a 100 meter dash. It’s better than sitting in place, I guess.

That’s it for today, James.

Get out there and chat up at least one stranger in each venue you enter. You’ll be surprised how much more talkative it will make you once you make this practice a habit.

Good luck,

Kyle

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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