Never Run Out of Things to Talk About With A Girl Using These 3 Sales Questions

Things to talk about with a girl questions to ask

Sales tricks come in handy with women. There are three different types of questions you can ask to never run out of things to talk about with a girl.

James,

I’ve talked a lot about how you should approach talking to women. I’ve already told you to be confident and direct when saying hi to a girl. I’ve beat the confidence horse to death by now haven’t I? Let’s talk some today about what successfully talking to girls looks like. Specifically, things to talk about to learn more about her.

You know that I’m not one for “say this, say that,” style advice. That doesn’t work. So instead let’s talk about HOW to ask her questions.

Everyone says stuff like, “ask her about her interests! You’ll never run out of things to talk about with a girl if you put the focus on her! Her, her, her!”

Things to NOT Talk About with a Girl

When I first started talking to women, one of the dumbest habits I fell into was barraging cute girls with tons of low quality questions.

Imagine this conversation:

“Hi, I’m James.”
“Hi, I’m Alice.”
“Where are you from, Alice?”
“I’m from Boston. Where are you from?”
“I’m from Greenville. What’s Boston like?”
“It’s alright, I guess.”
“You miss it?”
“Sure.”
“How do you like North Carolina?”
“I think my friends are calling me.”

It hurts to read, doesn’t it? You said yes. Good.

If you weren’t cringing, you don’t have a pulse. I think anyone can relate to this short conversation thread.

Can you see how these mundane questions lead nowhere? How do we fix that? What SHOULD we talk about with girls? I’ve actually answered this question before, in past letters. I didn’t directly state it, though.

What did I tell you about your mindset when talking to a girl for the first time? You should keep it in your head that you are screening her to see if she is someone you would like.

The thing is, James, you don’t really CARE where she’s from. That wasn’t anything close to what was on your mind when you approached. Therefore the question is forced and incongruent with your intentions. Because your words are incongruent with your thoughts, it is indirect.

Finally, the only reason you are asking these low quality questions is because you need to fill the silence, which implies a lack of confidence.

Don’t go looking up lists of things to talk about with girls. That is stupid. What if you don’t care about that stuff?

Instead, remember this when you talk to a girl: You only care about finding out if she is a person you could see yourself hanging out with.

Asking Girls High Quality Questions

This “ask her questions” advice always comes with the best of intentions but you want to ask QUALITY questions.

I was reading Selling 101 by Zig Ziglar, and he has a great way of categorizing questions that you could use for talking to girls.

Ya know, I’ve compared talking to girls to sales several times in these letters now, James. That’s because talking to girls is a lot like sales. You are offering a “product” of sorts. Yourself. Think of yourself as a subscription-based service offering and you want to determine if what you offer suits her needs and wants.

And it’s not just girls. Learning sales can help you talk to anyone.

On that note, Selling 101 is a super tiny and inexpensive book PACKED with amazing information for talking to people and I highly suggest you order it now. I only say this because it is very short and very inexpensive. It’s not like you have to be a die hard sales person to get great, helpful information out of it.

Don’t believe me? Let me show you.

Let’s take Ziglar’s sales genius from Selling 101 and spin it for our purposes: finding things to talk about with a girl.

Ziglar says there are three types of questions for determining the needs and wants of clients or potential customers.

Those three types of questions are:

  1. Open-Door Questions
  2. Closed-Door Questions
  3. Yes Or No Questions

Open-Door Questions

Open door questions allow the girl you are speaking with to take the conversation wherever they’d like. Examples:

  • “What do you think about…” or
  • “How do you feel about…”

An example of an open question I’d ask a girl at a party or bar would be something like, “How do you feel about those two people ferociously making out in the corner?”

See how I basically am asking her opinion? She can reply however she wants. This is a great way to start a conversation with a girl. Based on her answer I could have a great indication as to whether or not she and I could get along.

Allow Pauses and Silence

Ziglar states that the biggest error people make with Open-Door Questions is supplying answers:

“When you ask Open-Door Questions, there will often be a moment of silence. Although that can be terribly uncomfortable, a pause is often necessary for the person to form an insightful and intelligent response to your question.”

How many times have I said the same thing about silence, James? See? Even Ziglar knows! Men have an issue shutting up and letting the girl talk. But that will be your edge, James. You will let the girl talk all she wants.

Let’s apply this folly to our example. DON’T DO THIS:

“How do you feel about those two people ferociously making out in the corner? Isn’t it like two crazy animals? Visceral almost.”

See how I guided her answer after I asked my first question? Don’t do that.

It’s like one of those scenes in the spy movies where the spy meets the super-secret contact and they say, “Are you X?” and the enemy spy is like, “Uhh, yeah. That’s me. X.” Then BAM, they spring the diabolical trap.

Let her make up her own mind and let her fill the silence.

After you ask your question, she may be the one to rush to fill the silence. She may answer quickly. In this case, stay calm and be quiet even after she finishes. She may think about her answer for a second and decide to elaborate further.

It may take 3 or 4 seconds for her to speak up again. Practice holding eye contact and being cool with silence.

If she says anything about how quiet you are, you can just say, “Oh, I didn’t know if you were finished or not.” She may just start right back up! The more she talks, the better shape you are in, because it builds comfort and familiarity as more time passes and she shares more.

Let Her Talk – It Builds Comfort and Rapport and You Have to Come Up With Fewer Things to Talk About!

Even though the scene with Elizabeth in Redheads and Bedspreads is one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever written, there is a strong lesson buried within. Elizabeth constantly filled the silences because she was SO NERVOUS.

You’ve read Redheads and Bedspreads so you know what to do: Let the girl talk if it helps her feel more comfortable. Just be cool. Don’t TRY to be funny or witty. Just let her talk.

Most guys cannot do this.

Most guys are so tied up in scoring points, or trying foolishly to be funny and witty that they don’t let things just HAPPEN.

When you FIRST say hello to a new girl, it is not the time to try and be witty. Chances are you’re nervous already and whatever you do won’t come out the way you plan.

Just allow time to work its magic so she can feel a bit more comfortable around you. That’s right, it takes time, not jokes. She’s on her guard when you first say hello so don’t give her any reason to put you into the “creep” pile.

Closed-Door Questions

The next kind of question is the Closed-Door Question.

An Open-Door Question allows her to take the conversation wherever she wants. Like an opinion question. A Closed-Door question asks her to elaborate further on a topic.

An example of a good Closed-Door question is something like:

  • “Could you tell me more about that?” Or
  • “Oh, what do you mean by that?”

When I ask girls Closed-Door Questions, I try to keep my words to as few as possible.

For instance, instead of, “Could you tell me more about that?” I will say NOTHING. If she says, “what?” I’ll say, “Go on…” or “And…?”

Instead of saying, “Oh, what do you mean by that?” I will say “Really? How so?”

Guys mess up Closed-Door Questions all the time. They use them at the wrong part of the conversation!

In the example of a bad conversation above, it’s all Closed-Door Questions. “Where are you from, Alice?” is the first question.

Guys should never START a conversation with a Closed-Door Question.

Guys should start the conversations with Open-Door Questions until they discover a conversation thread that truly interests them that they want to explore further.

Remember, you should only ask her questions that you truly care about.

Topics to talking to girls about Man in boat with his dog

Start the conversation with an Open-Door Question that the girl can take anywhere. THEN you can use Closed-Door Questions to zero in on quality conversations that you care about.

Asking her about things that you don’t care about is incongruent because it isn’t really your intention to figure out her background information. Your intention is to gather indications that you guys would have fun hanging out so you don’t waste your time.

By asking her opinion on something with an Open-Door Question first, you’ll naturally give her the responsibility of coming up with things to talk about.

Yes or No Questions

The worst kind of questions guys ask, especially at hello, are the Yes or No Questions.

“Having a good time?”
“No.”

Ziglar instructs us that we should only ask Yes or No Questions when we know the answer.

How does that apply to women? Great question, James! Watch and learn.

You’ve began the conversation with an opinion. You left her time to answer. She finished her answer and you look her right in her big pretty eyes. After a couple seconds of silence she says, “what?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure if you were finished yet.”
“Oh, yeah. I was finished haha. Sorry I’m just OUT OF IT today!” (Girls always say stuff like this when they are nervous. They get nervous in silence, because it creates tension.)
“Really? How come?” you ask.
“Oh, my puppy got sick last night so I didn’t get hardly any sleep.”

PAY ATTENTION HERE. You could :

  • A. Say “That sucks.”
  • B. Build your relationship.

Which do you think you should do? You said B. Of course you did.

“You have a puppy?”
“Yeah. I just got her. I love her.”
“Oh I love dogs! Aren’t they the best?”
“Uh, DUH! Haha!”

You know she’s going to agree, she has a damn dog. This is an easy way to build rapport. Let her know you guys totally agree on the whole dog subject.

At this point you can ask her an Open-Door Question or a Closed-Door Question

Open-Door Question Example

“So what do you think of cats?”

Notice I don’t lend her any answers when I ask her opinion. This gives greater insight to who she is as a person. It’s an Open-Door Question so I don’t say something like:

  • “Are you a dog person?” (Yes or No)
  • “Do you prefer dogs over cats?” (Yes or No)
  • “So what do you think of cats? Awful, huh?” (Closed-Door Question)

Closed-Door Question Example

“What kind of dog is it?”

Because tons of questions feels invasive, I actually frame most of my questions as commands.

“Tell me about your dog.”

This isn’t like a militant command. It’s more like a, “I love dogs! Tell me about yours!”

I know you like dogs, James, so this is a very congruent conversation thread for you.

You can easily talk with her and be yourself. Additionally, this conversation thread lends to your common interests. You are closer to finding out if she is a girl you’d enjoy hanging out with.

You should try to mix it up when using the three question types.

Too many…

  • Open-Door Questions and you’re not contributing
  • Closed-Door Questions and you’re not allowing enough freedom
  • Yes or No Questions and your conversation becomes a survey

Quality Questions Lead to Quality Girlfriends

Do you see how knowing just a little bit about how to ask QUALITY questions could go a long way in finding a quality girlfriend for you? You do. Great!

So when do you think you should start practicing? That’s right. Today.

That’s it for today. Go out there and get ‘em, James. I’m excited to hear how this improves your life, my friend.

Good luck,

Kyle

P.S. Can’t you see the value in learning the stuff in Ziglar’s book now? Of course you can! The sooner you read it the sooner you can use it. So when do you think you should buy it? Get Selling 101 today.

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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