Should You Call It Quits if You Are Intellectually Incompatible?

Call it quits on a relationship due intellectual ability

How Important Is Intellectual Connection and Compatibility In A Relationship?

We have a really good question from Quora today! See the transcript and video below for more detail.

What’s up guys, Kyle Milligan of realkylemilligan.com here, and today we’re gonna answer a question from Quora in the “Dating Advice” topic. The question I have here is, “Should I call it quits on a relationship due to a difference in intellectual ability?”

I really like this question a lot because it seems to follow a pattern, a theme, with people who are not sure if they’re in the right relationship, and they’re looking for a perspective to kinda guide them and give them some insight onto, “Is this what I’m supposed to be doing or not?”

Is This A Morality Issue?

And I think before any answers even pop up, I can guarantee that someone is gonna make this a virtue issue. Someone is gonna take this question and they’re gonna spin it to say, “Well you think you’re better than someone because you’re smarter than them” or “You should love them for who they are,” and they’re going to try and shame this person who asked this question. It’s something I keep seeing on all these questions and I kinda want to address that first.

What I want to point out here, because that’s really important to the umbrella of this question, “Should I call it quits on a relationship due to a difference in intellectual ability?” On the surface, no, but it depends on the person. Because what fulfills you?

What Kind of Girlfriend Do YOU Want?

Does having really long, fulfilling, intellectual conversations fulfill you? Does talking about the intricacies of personal interactions and people-watching and picking apart little nuances, those kinds of things, I guess you’d call them intellectual, maybe? That’s kinda like stuff I’m into. Does that fulfill you?

If someone else only cares about what the Kardashians are up to, or politics, and you can be intellectual and political, but if it’s not your brand of intellectualism, if it’s not something that you want to, if you can’t jibe with it, then YES, you call it quits on the relationship, if you’re not happy. Okay, and that’s the thing. It doesn’t mean that you’re pompous or whatever, because you think that you guys are not on the same level. That’s not what it comes down to.

What it comes down to is your personal level of fulfillment. And you should pursue that which makes you happiest. You shouldn’t be in this situation where you’re tolerating your partner. You should never be in that, there’s too many people to be tolerating someone.

Of course, there’s always gonna be little differences, nuances, things that probably peeve you after a while, but those come later on down the road. If out the gate, you can just kinda sense that, “We’re never gonna click intellectually, you just aren’t on the same level as me. I wanna have this conversation. This kind of topic gets me really excited and I’m passionate about it, but you cannot relate, because you and I are not on the same page.”

At that point, you probably have a problem, because whenever you want to share that experience you’re gonna have to go outside of that relationship and that can lead to trouble. Even if you don’t necessarily stray from the relationship, you open the opportunity for your significant other to be jealous or insecure about the amount of time and connection you have with another person.

Do What Makes You Happiest

So I really wanna stress that what it comes down to about this question is what makes you happiest. Not whether it’s right or wrong to feel like you’re not on the same page intellectually or that you should stick through it even if you’re smarter than someone else. I think that’s where these answers are going to go.

Once people start answering that’s how they’re gonna do it. They’re gonna want to point fingers and pitchforks and get all upset and riled up about what’s right and what’s wrong, but it’s not about that. It’s really about your personal level of fulfillment. That’s the kind of relationship that you want to pursue, is one that actually fulfills you and makes you happy.

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Should You Call It Quits if You Are Intellectually Incompatible?
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Should You Call It Quits if You Are Intellectually Incompatible?
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How Important Is Intellectual Connection and Compatibility In A Relationship? We have a really good question from Quora today! See the transcript and vid...

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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