Should I ask her how she feels (1)

Should I Ask Her How She Feels?

Should this guy ask his friend how she feels about him – again?

This guy has a female friend he likes. She got wise to his feelings and straight up asked him if he liked her. He said, “yes, do you like me?”

First, kudos for being direct and straightforward with her. Hiding your intentions or lying about them is not manly. It’s weak. Pretending to be her friend when you have romantic feelings is a cowardly move and you took the braver route by fessing up.

Now for the tough love: the fact that she had to ASK you is where I think you went wrong.

As a man, you have to be confident, direct, and congruent in your thoughts, words, and actions to be attractive to women. Those are the most crucial elements of being a man.

When you first realized you had feelings, you should have made some sort of move, because THAT’S how men convey their feelings. Action. Not by talking it out. That’s not a dude’s role.

It’s a guy’s role to be a DOER. You demonstrate your feelings by doing something about it. So whenever you knew you liked her, if you were confident in yourself, direct about your intention and congruent in your follow through, your feelings would have manifested and been conveyed through the ACTION of asking her out.

The fact that you didn’t, and she had to ask, cost you some respect points. I don’t say that to be mean. I say that so you will hopefully recognize this and correct this behavior moving forward!

Now: The WORST thing you can do is to play pretend that you just want to be friends with this girls AFTER confessing feelings. That is moving FURTHER in the WRONG DIRECTION.

You confessed. She didn’t respect you enough to answer. So how do you proceed? By ignoring YOUR feelings, YOUR desires, and just falling into line? No way dude. that is THE WORST POSSIBLE OUTCOME.

If she has a shred of respect for you and you aren’t man enough to act out your true feelings in front of her, and instead hide them from shame and embarrassment, kiss that shred of respect goodbye.

Should I tell her how I feel

And anyone who tells you to just keep on being friends, that guy LIVES in the friend zone. He has spent his entire life there. He has been there more often than he’s been on dates.

Fortune favors the bold my dude. Be a man. Don’t hide your intent or tuck your tail between your legs. A man goes after what he wants, and he doesn’t hide his intent in shame.

You still have a shot at this. But ONLY if you completely turn around what was passive, indirect behavior and act like a man.

Reddit Thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/66vozc/should_i_ask_her/

FULL TRANSCRIPT STARTS HERE:

What’s up guys, Kyle Milligan of realkylemilligan.com here. We’re gonna answer a question from Reddit under “Dating Advice”.

This question asker has had feelings for a friend, she isn’t a very close friend, he doesn’t know her very well, but she figured that he liked her so she asked and he said yes, do you like me? But she didn’t reply, so now he wants to know if he should just leave it alone and continue being friends or if he should ask her how she feels. What does Reddit think?

Be Direct With Women

I’m gonna break this up into a couple little pieces. First, let’s do a compliment sandwich of sorts. First, good on you for telling her how you feel and not lying about it, which is what a lot of really weak and indirect men would do, you know pretend like oh no, we’re just friends and try to play coy, or hard to get or something weird like that. So good for being direct.

Now you’re at this crossroads where she didn’t answer and you put it out there, you put your cards on the table for her. A couple things. First, let’s talk about putting your cards out like that.

Good on you for being honest and direct, but generally if you have feelings for someone, it shouldn’t have to come out in that manner.

The way you should address it generally is once you know you have feelings for someone, ask them out. Men should not be talking about their feelings verbally like this. It should have been something that you acted upon. It shouldn’t have had to be almost forced out of you via question.

I don’t mean that to be mean, it just seems like how it went down. But as a guy, once you know you have feelings for a girl, it’s time to ask her out.

Taking Action is The Manly Move

Try to act on those feelings and see if she likes you back or not, that’s the way to handle it. That’s how you get success. Otherwise, you end up in this tight spot where she’s aware of it, but you haven’t been acting on it.

You did something to give your intentions away but you weren’t clear about it or you weren’t direct about it to her so she had to ask. You’ve kinda already lost the game at that point because you weren’t confident enough to just do it.

She had to ask. At that point you lose points if you wanna play a points game. You’ve lost that masculinity, that control aspect, that “I got this”, you know?

Women value that in a man, they value confidence. That’s why women go out with jerks because they’re confident and they take what they want and they go after what they want. So the fact that it got to this point is not a great sign. The fact that she didn’t respond, an even less great sign. It’s not as good.

Should I Keep On Being Friends?

Leave it alone and carry on being friends? Ultimate no.

Ultimate absolutely not.

Because now you have put the ball in her court. She’s aware of her power over you. You don’t know if she’ll take advantage of this, and she didn’t even have respect enough to address it with you.

You would be the biggest bitch if you’re just like, oh it never happened, we’re just friends. I think at that point, she has all the power, all control, she knows your intent.

Whenever you don’t act like you like her and she knows you do, that is the weakest place to come from. That is like the most absolute powerless place for a man to be in a woman’s eye.

Should you confess your feelings for her

Hiding your feelings is not the manly move. However, neither is gushing them out on her.

Even at this point now, she’s tolerating you. There’s nothing to gain from hiding your intentions and carrying on being friends as normal. You can’t do that now.

You put your cards on the table, you showed your intent and you can’t really go back, but that’s okay. It didn’t seem like you guys we’re the closest of friends or anything like that.

You don’t wanna do that, you don’t wanna have these hidden buried feels forever because that’s just weird and creepy and like I said, the worst place for you to be as a man. You don’t ever wanna be in that situation. I’m beating a dead horse.

How To Know How She Feels

Want to just ask her how she feels? You’ve already done that my friend.

She did not miss that text. The cards are on the table and she did not come back to you with the response and I don’t think, I don’t know man. If she just didn’t give it back I’d try maybe one more time and just be like, hey, so you know how I feel, do you want to go out sometime?

Like, I’ve already done this, don’t make me a bitch. I’m telling you now how I feel, are you gonna be respectful or not?

You’ve got to man up at some point, like this chick owns you man.this is not a good look. Not a good look at all and this is heading in a terrible direction.

This guy right here says, ask how she feels. If she says no, continue being friends, she’ll eventually feel the same way.

That has to be the most detrimental advice I’ve ever read on the internet and people say some terrible things. I almost wonder if this is a troll.

Has he ever heard of the friend zone that you can basically never escape? Don’t ever under any circumstances, ever, ever, ever do this. That’s all I’m gonna say about that and man, kudos to you for putting your cards on the table and being honest about how you feel.

Where you went wrong is you made her pull it out of you. If you feel some way about a girl you have to go get her and you need to ask her out.

Men should not have to vocalize and talk about their feelings. That’s not what dudes do, that’s not what guys do. Guys act on their feelings and act on their emotions. If you like a girl, ask her on a date. That’s how you show that you like her. You don’t do this I like you, do you like me thing, okay?

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Should I Ask Her How She Feels? - Real Kyle Milligan
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Should I Ask Her How She Feels? - Real Kyle Milligan
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Should you ask her how she feels? This guy has a girl friend he likes. She got wise to his feelings and straight up asked him if he liked her. He said...

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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