The Secret Benefits of Getting Shot Down 30 Times in Your Twenties

Get rejected and get back up

What keeps guys from talking to every attractive girl they see? That’s right, rejection. But getting shot down in your 20s can be a helpful experience later on in life.


I’m sitting here with my dark roast coffee ready to go nuts about the dos and don’ts of body language with meeting women. But then I thought about the questions you had asked recently and it him me: You haven’t asked any questions lately. Not one messed up conversation. Not one corny opener. Not one story. That doesn’t make sense. Unless you aren’t really trying.

I get it, you’re busy. So do I really think that in the midst of working, going to school, and all the other happenings of your daily life that you should absolutely, no matter what, practice the advice in these letters daily? Actually, yes.

Absolutely yes.

You see, James, learning how to talk to girls is so much larger than just the girls. It’s about more than just having sex. It’s even about more than finding a quality girlfriend to spend time with.

First and foremost, it’s about YOU.

The things you learn about yourself while going through the rigmarole of learning how to talk to girls is far more valuable than any single lay or relationship you’ll acquire as a result.

The Four Benefits of Learning How to Talk to Girls

New Girlfriend


First, bolstering your skills with women will allow you to select a quality girlfriend that you can adore. One that will complement your life.

My girlfriend goes to the gym with me. She helps me with my websites. She even plays video games with me! Well, she’s a great video game watcher.

On that note, for a fourth or fifth date, I actually recommend getting Resident Evil 7 and playing that together. Turn all the lights off and the volume way up. It’s so much fun and so much better than paying for a scary movie. Also, the scare factor will contribute to her attraction for you (scientific fact), but that’s a different topic for a different letter.

Not only will you get a great girlfriend that you can have fun with, getting better with girls will allow you to excel at other things.

Better Job, More Pay

You will be more assertive than any of your other co-workers. People will look to you for answers (even your bosses) because of your unwavering confidence. Your complete abandon of uncertainty will take you farther, faster.

This may take you down the road of entrepreneurship. Knowing that you can get knocked on your ass and get right back up is one of the most valuable lessons you can carry in life. Nothing can teach you those lessons faster than talking to strange girls in public.

Better Relationships and “Friend” Purge

By getting better with girls, your confidence will increase and you will be more fun to hang out with for your friends. You’ll be more relaxed because you don’t fear judgment from anyone, let alone your buddies. The boring parts of you that existed to protect your ego will melt away.

Also, you’ll realize who really is and isn’t your friend. By shedding any masks you wore, you will quickly bring to light people who liked you only for the part you played, not who you actually are.

New, Better Friends

Friends who skateboard in grass secret benefit of confidence

By being your most authentic self, you will attract people who share your unique interests. Like taking your skateboards to places you couldn’t possibly use them at dusk.

As a result of becoming truly authentic, you will make new, high quality friends. You will attract new people who like you for you. Because you are being the Jamesest James you can be all the time, your unique qualities will be exposed to others and you will become a magnet for people who enjoy your unique qualities.

Don’t think for one second that these letters are just about getting a piece of ass. Learning how to talk to girls isn’t really about the girls, it’s about becoming a man. And nobody has ever been worse off for being more of a man.

Getting a handle on this while still in your 20’s will set you up for a lifetime of success.

The Secret Dangers of Talking to Girls

Learning how to talk to women is one of the hardest challenges I’ve ever encountered.

It means accepting that as often as you open your mouth you are facing the chance of a soul crushing rejection.

It means that after starting a conversation you will have to endure the stress and tension of silence. You will have to quietly bask in it and prove your strength and confidence.

You would then have to directly ask a girl you found attractive, to her face, if she would like to hang out again.

After you got the number it STILL isn’t over. (We haven’t even gotten this far in our letters!)

Then comes the communication in between. Then the date itself. What to do. Where to go. How to perform all these activities you probably have no clue about and then convey certainty through it all.

Then, finally, the moment of truth at the bar: “Do you wanna hang out at my place?”

Or so you think!

You get her back to your place…NOW WHAT! Do you put on music? Do you light candles? Do you eat? Drink? Bedroom or living room?

How do you make the first move once back at your place?

Remember in Hang-Ups and Hangovers when Ashley admitted she had gone home with men and then walked right out because they tried to immediately skip straight to sex? That is a REAL thing.

You can STILL blow it even if you pass all the other hurdles and get her back to your place.

How nerve racking is that?

The Three Qualities of a Man

I had to steadily fail at EACH ONE of these steps before I realized they were challenges I would have to deal with.

Above all, there were three qualities that carried me through to the promised land. Three traits allowed me to adapt to any situation and overcome. You know those three things already. They are:

  • Confidence
  • Directness
  • Congruence

What you won’t know until you embody these qualities is their amazing bleed effect for the rest of your life. Your career, your friendships, as well as your love life.

I want to hear more about your mistakes James. If you are trying, you should be making mistakes daily. You don’t even have to be trying to pick up girls to practice simple things like the eye contact exercise and holding silence.

That’s it for today.

Good luck,


About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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