One Basic Reason Why Women Flake That You Need to Know

Flaky Women cancel date at the last minute

Being mad at girls for flaking isn’t the answer. Women usually don’t cancel at the last minute unless the guy asking them out failed in his manly duties in some fashion.


So she cancelled the date at the last minute, huh? Go figure. I’m not upset and you shouldn’t be either. Not that I didn’t have faith in you, but I had already planned for this and was ready to write this specific letter. You see, James, you are still early in your journey. Even guys who “get it” have girls flake all the time. You’ll be surprised to know that I am siding with the woman in this instance. Let me explain.

When Women Flake It’s Rude, But Do Not Get Angry

I know you were quite upset when she didn’t respond to your texts all day (as if every girl doesn’t check their phone every 30 seconds). Then out of the blue at 11pm she remembered she had a really important test to study for.

Don’t feel shame. Don’t feel embarrassed. Don’t feel angry. Don’t feel sad. Don’t feel ANYTHING.

I understand it’s frustrating when women cancel at the last minute. Flaking is rude. It’s inconsiderate of your time and feelings when a girl flakes. It makes you feel snubbed. Low. I get it. Believe me.

What’s worse is she will not, ever, ever ever ever, show remorse. She has rationalized that she had a test and if she can’t make it, she can’t make it. Regardless of how late and short her notice was.

And boy if that doesn’t chap your fanny, I don’t know what will..

Still. Don’t get emotional. I will explain.

Why Are Women So Flaky?! What You Did Wrong

Every time you get angry at a girl, it is the time to start analyzing what you did and what you could improve.

Nine times out of ten, I will blame the man when something goes wrong. In some way he fell short in his manly duties. This is one of those nine.

Need More Details On This Topic?

You failed in some step of the process to secure her interest and sell her on the idea that you guys should hang out.

The last time we spoke you told me that you talked to her for about ten minutes, exchanged numbers, and agreed to a date on Monday. But you still hadn’t decided on where or when yet. And that is where you went wrong.

  • No time and place -> Uncertainty
  • What do women hate more than anything? -> That’s right. Uncertainty

Furthermore, not having a time and place is indirect. Your girl basically agreed to the IDEA of the date. But how can she commit an evening of her life to a question mark on her calendar?

rock star tambourine

Unless you were ungodly entertaining for those ten minutes, she isn’t sold on “wherever you are James, that’s where I want to be.”

In the heat of the moment she might feel like doing “whatever,” but after a night’s rest and sobering up she will probably not want anything interrupting her normal flow of life unless it is really, really appealing.

Holding a time open on Monday for uncertain plans is not what a woman wants to do, that’s why your date cancelled last minute.

It is the man’s role to take the lead. If you want a girl to hold a spot for you on Monday night, you better have a clear reason and a plan.

Let me guess. You want to know how to get a clear reason and a plan. Good.

How to Make Plans with a Girl

Remember, your purpose in talking to any new girl is to screen her and see if she is someone you could see yourself hanging out with. Once you figure that out, that becomes your reason to hang out.

Your plan is whatever time and place comes to mind first. Usually it ties into your reason.

“You like margaritas too? I could drink a thousand margaritas. I know a GREAT tex mex spot that actually makes their margaritas in house. Like, no mixers, fresh ingredients, the whole nine yards. It’s really good. I want to take you there. You free Monday? You are? Will 7pm work?”

That’s how you ask a girl out.

I screened her as someone I would have fun with. I used that common interest as my reason to hang out. I had a place and time in mind.

And see how I made the date about something I liked already? It’s super easy for me to be at ease and have fun if I’m going somewhere I already love.

How to Confirm a Date

Now in your particular case, you got the number, you walked away with plans to meet Monday night.

The next thing you should have done is thought very hard and fast about where you’d want to go on a Monday night yourself.

Then, within seconds, sent the following confident, direct, and congruent text: “Hey, this is James. Nice chatting at the party. Bob’s Beers is really fun on Mondays. Let’s grab a drink there at 7.”

No jokes. No wit. No games. Just direct.

Having a place in time is part of taking the lead as a man. It’s part of having your act together. It’s keeping calm, cool, and in control of everything; which is confident.

That’s it for today. You’re human and you’re still learning so you’ll make mistakes, James. The important part is to not get angry and don’t blame the women. You still don’t know what you don’t know. But you’re getting better all the time.

Next letter I will go way in depth on how to sell a girl on your date idea.

Good Luck,


P.S. A GREAT reference for this process is Chapter 23 of Hang-Ups and Hangovers. Chapter 23 is ENTIRELY screening Alexis, directly expressing interest, then asking her out.

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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