How Do I Really Get A Girl To Like Me?

How do I really get a girl to like me

How do you REALLY get a girl to like you? No BS?

This is a GIGANTIC question. I have read and written entire books on the subject! But I’ll do my best to give you a direct answer that will point you in the right direction.

I’ll tell you straight off, there is no magic “line” that makes this happen. I’ll also tell you that it’s easier than you think.

How you really get a girl to like you requires just three things. I preach these in almost all of my videos. Do these three things and you’re on the right track.

They are:

  • Confidence
  • Directness
  • Congruence

So how do you display these three traits and win girl’s hearts?

Confidence – be totally cool with yourself in all circumstances. Whether the girl says yes or no to your advances, you are totally cool with who you are as a person.

That also means you don’t care if she thinks you are “cool” or not. “Hot” or not. By not caring if you are cool, you are cool! By not caring if you are hot, you ARE hot! Get it?

Directness – Because you are confident, you don’t beat around the bush. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. If you want to ask her out. YOU ASK HER OUT. Simple as that. Don’t use corny jokes. Don’t play games.

Congruence – You’re behavior is CONSISTENT. You aren’t cool and confident one minute, than an insecure baby the next. As a man, you don’t falter. You are dependable. A rock. That’s the congruent thing for a man to do.

These three things are basically all you need to know to attract women. If you need a more in depth guide, I recommend Models by Mark Manson. This book changed my life. It has everything you need.
Link to Models:

Also, you can read all my super in depth dating blog posts on my website:

Quora Thread:

The Question

What’s up guys, Kyle Milligan of here and we’re gonna answer a question off Quora in the dating advice topic. “How do I really get a girl to like me?” The follow up to this question is, “don’t give me some shit like, oh you have to say she is pretty and smart. No, I’m asking here so I can get real advice. When should I say she is pretty, when should I say she is smart? Will she feel weird if I’m emotional? How do I get into a girl’s heart?”

What a great question, right? And the guy says right here, don’t bullshit. Tell me how to do this. How to accomplish that. And that’s kinda the business I’m in right? That’s what is built around.

I’m gonna try to answer this very succinctly even though this an entire school of thought unto itself. I’m gonna give you the things that are paramount to making this work. Not a line.

Lines Do Not Work…Long Term

Lines, like this right here, don’t say this or do that, that will never translate into who you are as a person. There’s only three things that above all else are super important. Confidence, directness, congruence. You’ve got those 3 things you’re on the right track my friend.

Okay so it can be a girl you just met or a girl you’ve known for a while. It’s kinda vague, it doesn’t give us much insight, but let’s say we’re going from scratch. A person you just met, you’re interested in her. You want to get into her heart. You want her to have feelings for you.

The problem is people want the results now and they want a surefire signal. They want a red light and then a green light and then, bam it’s there, you know it and you’re done.

The work is over, but that’s not how it works. Attraction is an ongoing, it’s a forever task. You can’t just one day have it. It’s like going to the gym. You can’t get like big and strong and then good, I’m done working out forever. I did it, I got muscles.

No, then in a week later you lose them all and you get fat again. Same thing with attraction, you’ve gotta learn the skills, practice them and then maintain them.


So let’s talk about the three things. Confidence, congruence and directness. First, confidence. Confidence is being totally cool with yourself, in the event you have a girl or you don’t have a girl. Whatever the situation is you have to know that you’re the man. Before you ever even walk up and ask her out you have to have it in your mind that she can say no and that’s not a big deal.

That’s confidence in a nutshell.

No matter what happens in the outside world around you, you feel totally in control and cool with yourself no matter what. No matter what anyone says or does, you’re unshaken, you’re a rock. Get that. That is the most fundamental thing.


Step two. Directness. Say she is pretty and smart. That’s what this question is, what should I say, when should I say it. It’s not necessarily what you say, it’s how you deliver it, and when you deliver something directly as opposed to indirect. There’s two schools of thought on how to talk to girls. One is indirect and two is direct, the indirect way is kinda like beating around the bush. Using a joke to tell or to ask for her number, like hey, I lost my number, can I have yours? That’s lame okay?

Indirect arrow

Some guys do all sorts of weird stuff to trick girls into liking them. This is called being indirect and it is WEAK.

That also depends on who you are as a person. Generally you want to be direct because by being direct you’re being confident. To be direct you say something like, hey I actually think you’re pretty and smart and I have a good time with you. Would you like to go out Monday night? That’s direct, it’s that simple.

Whenever you do it like that, chicks love that! I had a dude one time try to DM my girlfriend. He said hey what’s up. She showed me and said this guy is DMing me, I said okay let me see the phone. I said what’s up, I answered the guy. He said nothing much, you? I said, hanging out. What do you want?…Just seeing what you’re up to.

Dude, you’re slipping into the direct messages, you’re trying to ask my girlfriend out. I’m just like what the, you’re wasting both our times. Just go ahead and ask my girlfriend out so I can go ahead and tell you this her boyfriend, stop asking my girl. He won’t ask her out because he’s scared, he’s indirect. He wants the girl to like take the hint and take over. That’s not manly.

So being direct is how you impress girls. You be confident that you don’t care if she says no, then you say something direct. Let your intentions be shown and that is confident too. That’s ultra attractive, you’ve doubled down.


The last thing is congruence. Whatever you do or say with your confident, direct actions, needs to be authentic to who you are as a person. Is this something you would say if you weren’t just trying to be impressive right now? Because once you get her out on a date and the mask comes off, and she realizes you are a phony, she will just totally resent you.

So you have to be totally cool with who you are and then act like that person all the time. Congruence is the follow through and a lot of guys screw this up because they go online and read when to say she’s pretty and smart.

Then they say it and they’re just hanging in the wind, they don’t know what to do after that because their script that they read online doesn’t inform them on the next steps.

The next steps is to be you, man. Be congruent. So let’s say you’re a total Pokemon nerd alright? So what’s the confident, direct and congruent thing to do if you’re a total Pokemon nerd?

So you meet a girl at a coffee shop or wherever you meet her and you’re talking to her and something like what she’s up to later, what she did this weekend. And you say something like, oh that’s cool, I chilled at my house, I went over to some friends and we played pokemon. She says, you played pokemon?

Now you have one of two choices. You can be like yeah, I mean I guess that’s kinda lame or blah blah blah, I’m not very cool. Something like that, that’s lame man.

Be A Man – Own Your Quirks

Or you can be like yeah, Pokemon! Have you ever played? It’s actually really fun. OWN IT. Be confident, like Pokemon is awesome dude. Have you ever sat down and hashed out a battle of Pokemon? You gotta get in on this.

Nothing is boring unless you make it boring. Nothing is lame unless you make it lame. You can tell a story about how you vacuumed the house and how exciting that was.

Like, I just got this new Dyson Ball vacuum. Have you ever had a Dyson Ball vacuum? I’m talking like, this is like a $600 vacuum, it’ll suck the carpet off your floor, it’ll change your life. Most exciting vacuuming experience of my life.

That’s exciting because i made it exciting! Because I’m not scared to say I did some vacuuming at my house. You have to be cool with who you are, not back down. Like if she says oh, you play pokemon? You be like, yeah I play pokemon and it’s rad.

Act like that. That’s how you get in a girl’s heart. You show them what you’re about and you don’t back down. You hold your frame, they say.

Why Do Girls Like Jerks?

This is why jerks get girls, because jerks are always about themselves and they don’t back down. It isn’t that girls like jerks, it’s that girls love confidence. And jerks are confident but if you can take that positive attribute, the confidence and not be a jerk, then you are a diamond in the rough, my dude.

You’re a Pokemon jamming master who gets girls. And you throw your arms around them and bring em to your next pokemon party and all your friends are like wow how’d you do that?

So you want real advice? There’s three things you’ve gotta know. Confidence, directness, congruence. I could go way way way more in depth. I pretty much have written books on this. If I could give you a really quick resource.

Attract Women Through Honesty

Basically what I’m teaching you is how to attract women using honesty. And one of my favorite people who ever wrote about this is a guy named Mark Manson and he’s got this book called “Models.” Let’s look at that real quick.

Models Mark Manson

One of the biggest game changers I’ve ever come across

Not Mason but Manson, hopefully it’ll pop right up so we don’t sit here all day. Here it is, now this dude knows his stuff. He teaches you that you don’t have to use corny lines or be inauthentic or try to be someone you’re not. This book right here, Models, is a game changer.

It looks like Amazon changed their interface here, that’s crazy. I’m gonna link it below and it will be an affiliate link, so if you purchase it through my link I will get like forth cents. Or something like that, thirty nine cents.

I highly recommend this book look at the stars, 4.5 stars, 407 reviews, this dude knows his stuff. I got a lot of my wisdom from him and I’m telling you this a game changer.

This is a great place to start if you want real advice that actually goes way in depth. What I’m telling you right now is some of the realest ish you’re gonna get on Quora. Confidence, directness and congruence.

That’ll get you started. You need like a holistic guide to teach you everything all they way from hello to a relationship, this is where I’d go. This is where I’d send you.

Really long answer but I wanted to give you a long answer, because you wanted real advice. Let me answer this part here. When should I say she is pretty, when should I say she is smart?

Rules for Giving Compliments

You give compliments when you’re good and ready and it’s congruent with who you are. You give compliments because you want to compliment her because something has floored you so much that you have to compliment her.

Don’t compliment her to win favor, do not compliment her to win points. That is not manly. You don’t care one way or the other because you’re confident, okay? When you try to win her, you lose.

Compliment Beautiful Girl

Guys rush to compliment girls on their looks. Instead, try to give out compliments only when they are earned and they will be a lot more respected and appreciated.

You gotta be totally cool about being yourself, not caring if she digs you or not, like that Pokemon thing I told you, and then you’re gonna win, okay? It’s a passive game, it’s not really active. You’re not just scoring points like some people think and just racking up score higher and higher and higher until she likes you. It’s not how it works.

When should I say she’s pretty, when should I say she’s smart? When you’re ready. So basically you’ll be talking and she’ll say something that you just think, wow, that’s really awesome. And that’s all you gotta say. Whenever she says something and you think it’s really awesome, just be like, wow that’s really awesome.

And you mean it. And you let her know that hey, I actually really appreciate that about you. I dig that. Just that simple. Make it authentic, make it real.

Should You Be Emotional?

Will she feel weird if I’m emotional? Yes. I’m going with yes on this one. Right now I’m jammed up dude. Not jammed up, I’m jazzed up, been drinking coffee. Saw this question, really loved it and I wanted to just pounce on it. Right now I’m charged up so I am emotional to a degree.

However, if you’re whiney, no, do not do that. If you’re emotional like I love you, uh-uh, no, don’t do that. Be cool man. Be cool.

Think about like James Bond, and James Dean and Elvis Pressley, all the cool guys man. They don’t do that junk. So will she feel weird if I’m emotional? Yes. Because it’s a girl’s job to be emotional. You’re the guy, man, you’re the rock. You’re the confident, stoic rock. You’re unshakeable, you’re unmovable.

That’s how you get into a girl’s heart, you don’t do it through emotion. If they wanted to date an emotional dude they’d just date a chick. Chicks are hotter and they’re better at being emotional than dudes. Dudes are just weird and ugly when they’re emotional.

Unless you can kinda get like this sort of emotional, where you’re excited. That’s a different kind of ball game.

The Right Kind of Emotionality – Positive Energy

You can transfer that positive energy. People love that. Girls can get behind that man. They can sit there in awe where you get those Bambi eyes, when they look like a deer in headlights and they watch you like, they’re kinda just like… Because you’re all just jazzed up and they just can’t help but watch and get absorbed into your energy and sucked into your world because you’re just in control.

Super long answer again, I know, but you said you wanted real advice so I gave you real advice. I’m also giving you this resource. Models, attract women through honesty, by Mark Manson. Huge game changer. Also you can go read this stuff on my website., and I’ll leave a link below for that too. That’s it.

How Do I Really Get A Girl To Like Me? | Real Kyle Milligan
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How Do I Really Get A Girl To Like Me? | Real Kyle Milligan
How do you really get a girl to like you? No B.S.? This is a gigantic question. I have read and written entire books on the subject. But I'll give you...

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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