Is It Okay To Talk To Girls At the Gym And Get Their Number?

Is it okay to talk to girls at the gym

Is it okay to talk to girls at the gym and if yes, what is the correct approach? How does one go about talking to girls at the gym in a way that doesn’t make them look creepy?

I know everyone’s gut reaction is going to be “HELL to the NO, it is not okay to hit on girls at the gym!” However, I stopped and thought critically about it myself.

What it really boils down to is your level of tolerance for REGRET. That’s right, REGRET. The ugliest word in the dictionary, if you ask me. Because you don’t talk to girls for their benefit, right? You do it for you!

If it is going to keep you up at night to NOT talk to a girl you REALLY want to meet, then you have to talk to her!

It’s Okay to Talk to Girls at the Gym… Not Hit On Them

So- is it OKAY to hit on girls at the gym? Not really, I don’t think so. Is okay to TALK to girls at the gym? Absolutely. The problem is your mental vantage point.

You’re not walking up to “hit on” this girl. You are walking up out of curiosity. Whether you are in a bar, a club, a coffee shop, or a gym, if you really want to meet a girl and are curious about her, it is your responsibility to put yourself in front of her!

Get out of this mindset that you are “hitting on her,” because you are already putting yourself in a place of having “done something wrong.” Instead, get into the mindset of “curiosity.” You want to just KNOW if she would be receptive to a hello from you.

And if she is, ask for her number.

When it comes to approaching a woman, there are three things you need to keep in mind:

  1. Confidence
  2. Directness
  3. Congruence

Don’t play no games to try and get her number. Don’t run any lines or try and stupid gimmicks. Walk up and say “hello, I see you in here all the time and just wanted to introduce myself.”

And if she is even SOMEWHAT receptive, you say, “I know the gym isn’t the place to talk, would you be interested in grabbing a coffee with me this week?”


Don’t be a creep. Don’t play games. Just see if she’s receptive to your confident and direct introduction. If she is, acknowledge you are in a weird place to talk and ask if she’d get coffee or something with you.

You can’t get shot down and made a fool of if you walk up with confidence and act like a direct, respectable man.

Reddit Thread:


Is It Okay To Hit On Girls At The Gym?

Is it okay to hit on girls at the gym, and if yes what’s the correct approach? What’s up guys I’m Kyle Milligan of and that’s the question that we’re going to tackle off of Reddit under dating advice. This question asker is a student at a major university, and goes to the campus gym frequently.

He’s heard mixed opinions on this. He sees a woman at the gym catch his eye sometimes and wondered if it would be okay to go for it and talk to her. If so, what is something to talk about so he can eventually lead it to getting her number? Or is the gym just a no-go for that kind of thing? Should he only stick to social context such as school clubs and meeting through mutual friends and whatnot?

Should You Flirt With Girls at the Gym?

Everyone’s gut reaction to this question will be, “no way, Jose. Do not talk to girls at the gym. Leave them alone.” There’s a stigma around this whole idea of talking to girls at the gym. Even my initial reaction was like “nah, I wouldn’t do that,” but then I really thought about, what would I do if there was a girl that I really wanted to get to know or talk to? What would I do?

Well, that question has already been answered in the past because I’ve talk to girls at the gym before and actually it wasn’t a big deal!

Then I really thought about it. Why is there such a stigma? Why is it that this is a no-go for that kind of thing, and you should only stick to social context such as school clubs and meeting through mutual friends and whatnot?

girl at the gym

Get out of the mindset that you are “hitting on her.” That puts your mind in the position of doing something “wrong.”

Can You Handle Not Talking to A Girl You Like at the Gym?

Okay, here’s the deal. If you want to talk to a girl, whether it’s at a coffee shop, a bar, a club, a gym, it’s on you to talk to the girl. Because you’ve got to determine what is your personal level of regret tolerance, okay? Can you sleep at night knowing that you let an opportunity pass you?

If you’re one of those kinds of human beings like me, I would rather know. I’d rather get shot down burning in flames then go to sleep at night feeling like a wussy for not having tried something.

Okay, so if you’re in that boat I’ve got good news for you. I think it is okay to talk to girls at the gym. Notice I said to talk to girls at the gym. Not hit on girls at the gym, and that’s where I kind of want to address this stigma.

How to Talk to Girls At The Gym Without Being A Creep

So you decide to talk to a girl in the gym, it needs to come from this place of curiosity that we just talked about.

Will you be able to sleep tonight if you don’t know? Will you stay up if you know that you missed the opportunity, because you still wouldn’t know whether she liked you or not or might be receptive to you.

That’s a place of curiosity. Where you just want to find out the answer and that, I think is where you can be your most genuine. You can be an authentic human being. You can be confident, direct, and congruent in your approach, if you come from a place of curiosity.

That is, as opposed to hitting on girls at the gym. You’re not walking up to spit game, “hey little mama what’s up baby,” none of that. That’s not what you’re there to do.

What you’re trying to do instead is “find out.” You’re coming from a place of curiosity okay? Not to hit on her, to find out.

So when you approach this girl, which you need to do if it’s going to help you sleep at night, you need to walk up to her with this idea in your mind: Is this someone who likes me? Is she receptive to me if I walk up and said hello?

I can say this because I’ve done it and like I said it’s gone both ways for me. It’s gone really well where me and a girl went on a date, but we were both wrapping up our exercise at the same time.

We actually both went home, we showered, and then we met an hour later for drinks. Total stranger. I just wanted to meet her. I walked over and she agreed to drinks with me.

Girl Talking At the Gym

“You see, I would go out with guys from the gym… if they weren’t such wussies when they talked to me.”

It’s also gone bad for me, but it wasn’t that bad. I just walked up to a girl, I laid it out there. I said exactly what I wanted and she said “yeah, thanks but my boyfriend’s right over there.” Something like that.

If you walk up and you just tell them what you’re about. You don’t play no games or run no lines. If you don’t bullshit they’ll respect that. This girl even said to me, “hey, I really respect your gall for walking up to me.” She was on a treadmill. Super awkward but I just had to. I just needed to introduce myself.

How to Approach A Girl At The Gym

When you walk up you need to come from that place of “I’m just really curious about you and I just want to know.”

So when you walk up all you got to do, no lines and look, don’t try this… “What is something to talk about so I can eventually lead it to getting her number?” Don’t do that, that’s not what you’re about.

Not trying to wiggle your way into her number, you’re not trying to run lines or play games or do any tricks. You just want to know. So walk up and you say, I’ll say your name is Steve, say:

  1. “Hello my name is Steve.”
  2. And then we kind of wait.

It’s really that simple.

It’s crazy, but then just see what she says back, you’re looking for a reaction.

There should be three versions of a reaction…

  • Good,
  • Neutral,
  • And bad.

Neutral and good are basically green lights. Bad is going to be really obvious. If you’re not sure, assume it’s good. She’ll let you know if it’s bad.

How To Start A Conversation With A Girl At the Gym

So you’ll say something like hey my name is Steve, then she’ll say something back, hey Steve, I’m Alice, what do you want Steve?

One of those kinds of things is going to come all right and at that point you need to make your intention. Now you have her attention, now give your INTENTIONS.

And that is very directly stated as, something along the lines of yeah, so I just see you around here all the time and I wanted to introduce myself and didn’t know how so I just decided to come to say hello. Boom, you’ve laid your nuts out there on the chopping block, ok. Now see what she does.

Now she can be a douchebag about it, which she most likely won’t because you were honest and direct. She knows the cards are on the table and balls in her court to react and she’s going to be an empathetic human, knowing that you just put yourself on the line. And if she says no she’s going to let you down easy instead of blowing you out for being a fuck boy or she’s going to say yes because she’s going to respect that you came up to her.

How To Get A Girl’s Number At The Gym

So at that point you’re gonna have said I just wanted to introduce myself and she’ll say, nice yeah, I see you in here too, my name is Alice or something like that. At that point there’s really nothing else for you to do but close, because you know the gym isn’t a social hour.

She ain’t got time to sit here and chat while you figure out a way to weasel in asking for her number dude. That is weak, that is lame, so instead what you want to do at this point in the conversation is close man.

  1. You said hello, you made your intro,
  2. You stated your intentions,
  3. Now it’s time to close.

All right I’m going to make this a process, one two three, bing, bang, boom. I’ve never had like a script or anything like that, but I guess it kind of has a process to it you know.

Let her know who you are while you’re there and then ask. Ask for the sale. Close and then you just want to say, “cool. Well I know this isn’t the place to talk and that’s why I didn’t ever know how to say hello. But maybe you would be interested in hanging out with me sometime this week. Are you free on Thursday?”

Something like that, just go ahead and say what you want man.

  1. You said hello, she said hello,
  2. You said I wanted to meet you and then you just wait to see what she gives you back,
  3. And then at the end you’ve just got to close for the number.

If she gives off that she’s receptive, if she’s nice to you, then do it man.

You were completely honest and congruent, surely they’ll say, oh wow cool, I respect you for doing that but my boyfriend is over that way or it will be yes.

Asking A Girl Out At the Gym

It’s gonna go one of two ways.

She’s not going to blow you out, make a big scene, or make you feel foolish if you come in here like a man, respectfully and you do so directly, you don’t waste time. Because I’ve been on both sides of that.

So as long as you say your intentions, be a hundred percent about it and don’t lie or play games you’re going to be in good shape.

Now on that note: the two stories I talked about… the time I went on a date with a girl from the gym and the time where I got shot down by a girl, I’ve written about in this book (Hang-Ups and Hangovers). So here’s a shameless plug for you.

I’m laying my nuts on the chopping block now and you can get pissed off that I promoted my product in all my videos, but this is my book. It’s called Hang-Ups and Hangovers, and it’s basically a how-to dating novel. It’s how-to dating told through stories in novel form, so if you’re interested in that I’ll link it below.

Hang Ups and Hangovers New Adult Book Kyle Milligan

Check it out on amazon

I’m Kyle Milligan of, that’s my take on this question. If you enjoyed what I had to say make sure you subscribe to my youtube channel, give me a thumbs up on YouTube or upvotes on Reddit. Comments on Reddit and YouTube are highly appreciated! I love you, thanks for watching and we’ll see you in the next video.

Is It Okay To Talk To Girls At the Gym And Get Their Number?
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Is It Okay To Talk To Girls At the Gym And Get Their Number?
Is it okay to talk to girls at the gym and if yes, what is the correct approach? How does one go about talking to girls at the gym in a way that doesn't...

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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