I Want To Hurt Myself – How To Avoid My Terrible Mistakes With Women

Content couple no hurt

Avoid these terrible mistakes that I made. Ignore the internet. Ditch your ego. It’s the only way to find happiness with a great woman.


“I want to hurt myself.” I remember sections of my life, sometimes spanning months, where I thought thoughts like this. I just hated myself so badly. I wanted to poison my body until it withered and I felt like the piece of shit I was. I did this mostly with alcohol. Unlike some alcoholics I didn’t drink to self-medicate, I was punishing myself.

You see, James. I have always had a tremendous ego. I’ve always been a prideful man. After a terrible breakup and getting socked right in the goddamned eye by my girlfriend (yes, that really happened) I felt pretty low.

But I was determined to figure out WHY I couldn’t make it work with her.

After that I embarked on the hardest journey ever. It took years of trial and error to figure out what I was doing wrong with women. And for several painful years I did many things that did not work.

I read stupid, worthless articles online. Crappy how-to’s written by frauds about getting “any woman you want with this SECRET line!” I absorbed everything and unfortunately tried it all. Nothing worked.

This is why I don’t want you believing this junk people write online, James. No man can have “any woman.” If you let them sell you that bullshit it will make you feel low when you fail. Especially with the headline telling you that it will work for anyone in five minutes.

I would go out, get shot down, get embarrassed, go home alone, then sit in my living room and drink until I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer. Man, I hated myself. I did exactly what the articles said! I tried every line. Every tactic. Every stupid game and routine.

After all my attempts I had to conclude one thing:

I was broken.

It had to be my fault. NOTHING was working and the only common denominator – Me.

What made it worse was when I THOUGHT I was doing better, when I thought I had figured it out, I was crushed even harder.

Like when girls would come home with me from the bar. “By God, I’ve figured it out!” Then they’d sober up and sprint out the door in the morning and never be heard from again (Like Heather from Hang-Ups and Hangovers).

Every so often a great girl would come my way, try me out, and then be gone in a poof of smoke (Think Ashley in Hang-Ups in Hangovers).

It feels ten times worse when you have hope and then you’re crushed.

Hope hurt. So I gave that shit up.

I decided, fuck it. Nothing I tried mattered.

I had 100% accepted that I was completely unlovable and I would die alone.

And that was how I totally stumbled upon my salvation. Let me explain.

The Gift of Hopelessness

Before I let go of hope I used to:

  • Talk to a girl and be so scared she wouldn’t like me
  • Go on a date and be so scared she wasn’t having a good time
  • Somehow get a girl to my house and worry she was uncomfortable

Then, thankfully, I gave up all hope.

I swiped girls on Tinder and invited them over within the first couple messages.

I’d go on dates and stare off into space when I was bored, then randomly invite them home.

When a girl came over I’d make a move in the first couple of minutes because even if she slept with me, she was going to just leave and never answer my texts. So why waste time?

Then I noticed something incredible…It was working.

Happy Guy with Cup of Coffee

I found contentment only after I had stopped looking for it.

I actually had more selection. I could get a girl SO EASILY because I just didn’t care.

I was actually clicking with the girls I did go out with because I wasn’t scared I may offend or disagree with them. If they didn’t like me, fuck ‘em. They were all going to leave anyway.

I brought girls home, totally confident in closing even the most conservative women.

I had accidentally become three important things:

  1. Confident
  2. Direct
  3. Congruent

I wasn’t confident as much as I didn’t CARE. Because I didn’t care I was totally authentic and there was no uncertainty in my demeanor. I gave zero shits about whether she liked me or not. Remember, I hated myself already; I was an unlovable piece of shit.

I didn’t care if she liked me so I was extremely direct. I would make FEEBLE excuses for dates, “Oh you drank water today? Everybody else drinks coke. I love healthy chicks. You and I should go out.”

I was congruent. Congruence is the one that kills men. They put on a mask to impress, then it cracks and their act falls apart.

I really, truly, honestly, couldn’t feel less good about myself. I knew it in my bones that I was hopeless. So much so that nothing a girl said or did could shake me. I really didn’t care if they stayed or went.

Because of my thoughts, I would just say whatever the hell I wanted, no matter how offensive or forward it was. And then I would carry those actions out in the bedroom.

And I’ll be damned if this “confidence,” didn’t keep them coming back for more! I had become the jerk women love!

Being a jerk isn’t good enough though, James. It will work for the short term, but it will never bring you happiness.

As I garnered more positive experiences, hope returned.

Whether I knew it or not, I was getting closer and closer to a quality girlfriend with every date I went on. I was nexting girls that I didn’t like, and looking forward to second and third dates with girls I did like.

Avoid My Pain

I’ve been in low low places, James. I’ve always had a big ego and a ton of pride. No one is harsher on me than me. This is why I stress that you ditch your ego. Mine could have killed me.

I remember going to work with a Nalgene full of vodka (looks just like water). I never cared about any of my jobs. I’d go to Starbucks with a thermos of whiskey and dump some coffee in on top of it.

I punished myself because my failures with women made me feel like such a worthless piece of unlovable garbage that I felt like I SHOULD feel like shit all the time.

My ego was so battered from me trying EVERYTHING to be good with women and failing over and over. It kept screaming at me, “You’re a failure!”

You Don’t Have to Try “Everything,” So Don’t

I didn’t just read the stuff I write to you about in some book. I lived it. And most of it was painful and terrible.

So that’s why I write to you, James. No one ever tells you the truth about how to do this stuff. How to attract women. How to talk to girls. How to behave. How to THINK.

They just want to put out “Top 3 things to say to a woman to make her horny in 3 seconds” so that you’ll click it and they can collect ad revenue.

Today I am in a committed relationship. I’m content. And I have my bad experiences to thank for it.

Imagine if you could have what I have, without the terrible stories. Is that something you’d like? You would. Good.

How soon would you like it? Now, you say. Then you should read every one of my letters carefully. Absorb their teachings.

That’s it for today, James. You now know more about me than…anyone.

Good luck,


About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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