How To Start A Tinder Conversation and Make the Girls Do ALL the Work

how to start a tinder conversation with girls for guys

Scrounge up the hot leads on Tinder and make them do all the work.


We learned in our last letter that being yourself is the most effective way to find the perfect girlfriend for you. This is because when you behave as your most authentic self, you automatically screen out those girls who wouldn’t click well with your personality, interests, likes, dislikes, etc. Don’t you think it’s time to start putting some of this advice to action? You do! I’m glad to hear it. That’s the fun part. 

Wow, this is our fifth letter! With the knowledge you have from the previous four letters, you are already more equipped than 90% of the male population to start a conversation with a girl.

Think about your peers. How many of them actually understand confidence, cowardice, congruence, and the role they play in attracting women? Not many, right? Of course not.

Not only that, up to this point in your life, you have been walking among other humans and surviving just fine. Now you have a slight edge.

I specifically mention your advantage on purpose. It’s because I want to save you from analysis paralysis. Analysis paralysis is when you are learning something new and you never act because you don’t yet feel equipped apply it. “Just one more lesson. Just one more letter. Just one more trick.”

Remember, you didn’t need my letters to survive up to this point, so don’t wait for the next letter to tell you what to do. Start taking action now!

So how do we start taking action? How do we apply all these great confidence and attraction lessons? Well, we start by meeting women.

How To Start A Tinder Conversation

What’s great about today’s world, is it takes far less investment to meet women than ever before. You don’t even have to put on pants! Thanks to the invention of dating platforms like the Tinder app.

You recently asked me, “in terms of getting a match, is the best approach to send the first message saying hey with a compliment?” So I guess you’re ready to learn how to start a Tinder conversation.

Sort of yes.

In everything we do with regards to talking to girls, be it Tinder conversations or real ones, the lessons I have been drilling over and over need to stay at the front of your mind.

Ask yourself:

  • Am I being direct?
  • Am I being confident?
  • Am I being myself?

If you answer yes to all three, then you are doing it correctly.

I’ve tried my hardest to teach you PRINCIPLES that you can apply to your game instead of “do this, do that,” but I actually want to go ahead and get you started.

tinder conversations for guys

Getting girls to reveal their interest first makes starting a conversation on Tinder SO MUCH EASIER

In regards to starting a conversation on Tinder, I’ve only used ONE opener consistently, and it’s because it is the one that has given me the most success.

“You’re a cutie.”

  • Is it direct? Yes.
  • Is it confident? Yes.
  • Am I being myself? Yes.

I HATE it when guys kiss girl’s asses. Especially girls they don’t even know. And the girls don’t like it either.

“You’re a cutie” is not a kiss up. It is actually quite ambiguous. Some girls love it. Some cocky girls answer, “No. I’m a hot bitch.” Well, you can stay a single bitch, too, because your attitude reeks of narcissism and I don’t have time for that.

You’re a cutie is the perfect opener when talking to girls on Tinder because many girls will reveal a lot about themselves and their level of interest in you without you giving much away yourself.

True to my stories in Redheads and Bedspreads, I’ve had girls answer, “You’re hot,” to that opener. Guess what? That’s a hot lead.

Don’t think my successful Tinder conversations are unique to me, or that they have to do with what I look like. If things don’t always go smoothly (and they won’t) don’t dismiss this advice with an excuse like, “Yeah, but it’s because you look the way you do and it will never work for me.”

Like I told you in my last letter, not every girl will think you’re hot. Not every girl thinks I’m hot. Learning how to message on Tinder won’t make every girl like you.

So that’s a pretty simple start to Tinder conversations, right? You think you can drop that line a couple times? You do. Good.

So now what?

Tinder Conversations

You’ve dropped the line, the next thing is to see what she gives you so you can figure out what type of lead you are working with. That’s the beauty, the Tinder girls do the work for you. If they are MILDLY interested they will respond. If they don’t, you saved yourself some time.

In sales there are three types of leads: Cold, warm, and hot leads.

Cold leads have no clue who you are, what you offer, or how it could help them.

Warm leads are aware of you, know of your offer, and will entertain you.

Hot leads want you.

The “you’re a cutie” Tinder opener is great for identifying what type of lead you have. With Tinder, you can expect your cold, warm, and hot leads to respond like this (respectively):

  • Thanks.
  • Aww, Thank you! You’re not so bad yourself!
  • You’re hot.

Most girls will be cold and warm. It doesn’t mean that your Tinder opener didn’t work. It just means you’ll want to talk to them a bit more and show that you’re an authentic, confident man and not a total Tinder tool.

This strategy works best if you cast a wide net. Like as many girls as you can. You’ll want to read up on how to get more matches on Tinder. Don’t be too stingy with your right swipes. And then once you have a good stockpile of likes, go through and drop “you’re a cutie” on all of them. See how they respond.

When they respond, you answer them in reverse order (in regards to timeliness).

Hot leads you talk to Now. They are interested (strike while the iron is hot).

Warm leads you talk to next. Follow up with something similar to what they said.

Cold leads you talk to in a little while. They will appreciate some space. They behave like cold leads probably because they are skeptical of people on Tinder and don’t want their phone to buzz seconds after they send you a message.

How to Message on Tinder

For now, I won’t give you too much more direct instruction on exactly how to talk to girls on Tinder. I want your personality to shine through. I want you to develop your own flow. Butttt, I will give you some tips.

Tip 1: Keep it light. I don’t like to say “playful” because I don’t think I’m a very playful texter myself. But avoid serious topics.

Tip 2: Get to the date. Don’t use Tinder to get to know someone. That’s what the date is for. A lot of people advise “getting off Tinder and onto text as quickly as possible.” I disagree. Just get to the DATE as quickly as possible. The number of texts required will increase between hot, warm, and cold leads.

That’s it for today. You have plenty of material to work with at the end of this fifth letter!

Good luck,


P.S. THE best guide out there to learn how to attract women without changing ANYTHING about yourself is Models by Mark Manson.

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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