How to Manage Your Voice Pitch To Keep Women’s Attention

Guy standing by a wall by himself

Guys change the inflection and pitch of their voice when speaking to women they found attractive. It’s not manly.


I was walking into Target to pick up the board game Monopoly when I saw something that made me cringe. A mother with two young kids was yelling at them to hurry up and leave. The troublemaker was a little boy who had stopped to look at toys or candy or something. What his mother said to him totally disgusted me.

Here’s what she said:

“Timmy! Come on!”

Doesn’t seem so bad on paper does it? You don’t think so.

That’s when I realized there is a giant hole in my advice to you! It is in regards to HOW you say the things I’m teaching you. Let me explain.

Take those same words above and imagine the mom not COMMANDING Timmy, but BARGAINING with him. In a pleading fashion. Like one child whines to another to stop flicking boogers.

“Timmyyyyy! Come Onnnnnnnnnnnnn!”


The woman was PLEADING with her five year old son right in front of the Target entrance. It was disgusting to witness. And this is why Timmy does not respect his mother. She does not command authority. She doesn’t tell her son what to do. She asks, like a whiny bitch.

Now I know you are not a little whiny bitch, James. But still, there are things I think you should know when it comes to talking to women beyond the words themselves.

Imagine you are out and talking to a cutie you caught looking your way. You confidently walked up and asked her name and you guys started talking. Even if you do everything right, you can still accidentally shoot yourself in the foot with your voice pitch.

Voice Pitch and Attraction

Your voice pitch is critical in conveying confidence effectively.

When men speak to women they find attractive, they instinctively raise their voice pitch to a sing-song tone, like talking to baby. Also, they close their questions with a strong upward inflection.

It’s your job to control this tendency.

People do this whole high-pitch thing as a byproduct of being polite, enthusiastic, and interested in who they are talking to. But it has a weird way of backfiring and making you look like a little bitch.

I could give you all the greatest scripts on the planet. If you read them wrong they wouldn’t help you. It’s difficult to instruct you “how to talk” in a letter, so I’ll use examples.

The best analogy I ever heard was this dinner table analogy. Unfortunately I can’t remember where I heard it. Maybe I made it up, but probably not.

Anyways, when you are at the dinner table with your family and you ask someone to pass the salt, HOW polite are you? Does your voice curl upward at the end of you question: “could you pass the salt?”

Honestly, if you want your pops to turn over the salt, you say it like this, “pass the salt.”

You don’t fear that he will be offended. You don’t fear that you appear rude. But when we humans talk to new, beautiful humans, we do this weird circus act with our voices to make sure we don’t hurt feelings.

Well it just comes off as fake.

The Damage of A Weak Voice Inflection

First, understand that I do not advocate rudeness. Instead, I’m trying to shed light on a pattern that you probably didn’t know existed until you paid attention to it.

The problem with masking your voice with a polite, upward inflection is that it forces you out of congruence. That’s not how you would normally speak. We’ve proved already that when you are comfortable with someone, like your father, you speak normally, so by raising your voice tone you are not being the Jamesest James that you could be.

Having lunch with friends

Think of how you would speak to your friends or family at the dinner table. That is when you are being your most authentic self.

“So I should talk to girls like my dad?” Don’t be a smart alec, James. You know what I’m getting at.

That reminds me of another misconstrued piece of advice. Let’s talk about it now.

People love to use the “talk to a girl you have a crush on like she is your sister” analogy.

They advise this to convince you to take the girl off her pedestal. To treat her as a bit of a nuisance. To remember to tease her about her shortcomings, usually to keep her beneath you.

Treating a girl as your sister is supposed to have the opposite effect as when you raise your voice pitch. Because when you raise your voice pitch, it covertly puts the woman above you by (needlessly) modifying your speech pattern to accommodate her.

Like all half-explained advice, some guys take this “sister advice” and act like total clowns: poking girls in the arm, giving them noogies, pulling their hair and what have you.

You and I grew up with sisters, James. We know better.

You know how you would talk to your sisters. You don’t poke them. You don’t call them stupid names and you don’t tease them ALL of the time (just most of the time).

But when you ask them to pass the salt, what do you say? “Pass the salt.” Exactly!

Men Speak in Flat or Falling Tones

When it comes to vocal inflection, you want to keep your voice fairly flat for almost all the conversation. Personally, I don’t think men should get overtly riled up unless something crazy-exciting happens. Men should be unreactive, which I preach about in Hang-Ups and Hangovers.

When you ask attractive women questions, ask them like you would a command.

Instead of: “What’s your name?”

Say: “What’s your name.”

It’s not rude, it’s how you naturally talk. And it’s confident.

By speaking the way you normally speak, you convey confidence because you haven’t modified your behavior to appease a strange girl. Women resent that type of accommodating behavior because it is an act of cowardice.

Instead, when you use a flat tone, the girl will actually appreciate that you talk to her like a real human and that you don’t walk on eggshells like she is a man-eating…alien…thing.

When you ask a question with a flat or downward inflection, it quietly implies that you expect an answer.

You don’t play games. You are a man. Chicks think that is sexy.

Men Don’t Use Upward Inflection

Frankly, upward inflections are for girls, James.

When you speak in mostly upward inflection it’s called uptalk. Uptalk is defined as a manner of speaking in which declarative sentences are uttered with rising intonation at the end, as if they were questions.

That is for girls.

Here’s some “research” I dug up on Wikipedia on this subject (They call upspeak “High Rising Terminal”):

Linguist Thomas J. Linneman contends, “The more successful a man is, the less likely he is to use HRT; the more successful a woman is, the more likely she is to use uptalk”.

You can’t argue with it. A linguist cited on Wikipedia said it was true.

In all seriousness, leave the lighthearted upward inflection for the boys. Leave the silly jokes to win her favor for boys too. We are learning how to act like men, here.

Start speaking with a flat tone when you talk to girls because it is the natural way for men to speak.

You can no doubt see this is something you can start practicing today, so go nuts!

That’s it for today James.

Good Luck,


About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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