How To Get A Girl On Tinder In 9 Messages Flat

How to Get a date on Tinder Easy Mode

You don’t have to be a genius to get a girl on Tinder. I’ll show you how I can quickly get a date without even asking for a girl’s number..


We are steadily progressing! I’m excited for the new stuff we’re going to cover today. In my last letter I explained exactly how to start a Tinder conversation and make the girls do all the work with one SIMPLE opener. Well, let’s put that Tinder opener to the test, shall we? Picking up right where my last letter left off, I am going to teach you: How to get a date on Tinder INSANELY fast. Without sending tons of worthless messages or even getting a girl’s number! And I will show you screenshots of EXACTLY how to do it. Let’s begin.

How To Get A Date On Tinder

The beauty of all my lessons is how they build on each other. As you continue learning new dating tips for men like yourself, the old lessons will just be hammered in further. This will reinforce the most important aspects of attracting women, which I covered in the very first couple letters.

Therefore, you will see exactly what I have been teaching put into action as we move to get a girl on Tinder to meet you for a first date. We will not use tricks or gimmicks. I won’t teach you “pick up lines.” No. None of that bullshit.

To get a girl on Tinder all we have to do is what I’ve already taught you. Just be:

  • Direct
  • Confident
  • Congruent

How To Talk to Girls On Tinder

Okay, so last letter I gave you a “line,” to start a Tinder conversation with a girl. That line was “you’re a cutie.” I told you why it was useful, but you don’t have to use that particular line. I want to teach you how to talk to girls, not “what to say.” Let me explain.

When it comes to talking to girls on Tinder, I am wary of giving you “lines” because then you may find yourself stuck in a script that isn’t congruent with you. Words that work for me may not work for you. By following a script, you won’t be yourself and that will make it hard to stay congruent.

Your mindset is your biggest asset when it comes to Tinder. Let’s address that first.

Always Remember, She Swiped Right

This is probably one of the most important Tinder lessons that almost all guys overlook.

You see, girls have their pick on Tinder. Unless they are retarded at camera angles, even very nasty girls will trick the majority of men into swiping right. On that note, NEVER, under ANY circumstances, trust a girl who only takes pictures from the neck up. Moving along.

(Side Note: I have friends who have found their WIVES on dating sites. Match is the biggest and most legit dating service that I know)

You have the opportunity to talk to a girl on Tinder ONLY because she has ALREADY swiped right, indicating she is interested in you. Assume attraction automatically.

Drill that into your brain. You do not have to impress her. She is yours to lose. She already swiped right.

You think she ISN’T yours to lose? That hasn’t been your experience at all? I figured you’d say that. Tell your ego to sit down and shut up. The reason your experiences have been poor are because you have not been acting direct, confident, and congruent.

But still, what if you are direct, confident, and congruent and it doesn’t go well?

Listen, because this is important. No matter what has ever happened to you with any girl on Tinder, at the bar, in school, whatever, it NEVER helps you to NOT assume she wants you.

If you are going to talk to a woman, you must do so with the UNDERSTANDING that she already likes you. KNOWING that she already likes you puts you at ease, makes you feel empowered, and bolder.

Still, sometimes this is not enough and you won’t get the girl.

Sometimes while being the Jamesest James that you can be (being congruent), you will reveal some quality or interest about you that doesn’t jibe with her and she will not be attracted to you anymore.

The Case For Confidence

Let’s take a minute to consider at the alternative: NOT assuming attraction.

If you approach a woman unsure if she likes you or not, you will fish for reassurance. This will show doubt. Doubt is uncertainty. Because confidence is the absence of uncertainty, you will appear not confident, which is cowardly. If you do not convey confidence, it will result in her NOT be attracted to you.

See what I’m saying here? Assuming attraction will help you but won’t always work. Rejecting that assumption is the equivalent of accepting uncertainty which will absolutely dry out a girl’s nether region.

What about getting the girl on a date, Kyle? Why are you STILL babbling about confidence? That’s a valid question, James. I’m still talking about confidence because I do not want to tell you WHAT to say. I want to tell you how to feel. How to think. That way, you will say whatever comes natural to you and ensure you get the perfect girlfriend who suits you best.

I think it’s time to show you some examples of how I employed the strategy of being direct, confident, congruent, and assuming attraction to get a date on Tinder in 9 messages flat.

This will be VERY similar to text conversations with Stacey and Alesha in Redheads and Bedspreads, which you’ve already read. Smart man.

How to talk to and get a girl on tinder

I easily get a date in 3 screenshots. I also overuse “haha”

This conversation is short and sweet. Let me break down how I did this.

I used my Tinder opener, “you’re a cutie.” She said, “Thank you!” with an exclamation. This exclamation matters. It just shows a little extra effort and enthusiasm. I’d tag her a warm lead, easy.

The next thing I do is find a reason to justify asking her on a date. This is called qualifying her. This frames the conversation such that I want to meet HER. Not: would she like to meet me?

You see James, before I sent the first Tinder message I’d already assumed she wanted to meet me. Why else would she swipe right? I then had to decide if I wanted to hang out with her.

When asking a girl out on a date, you should show that you are a normal human and you have taken an interest in her humanity as well. As opposed to being a Tinder tool and spitting something idiotic like, “You’re hot, let’s bang.” I took her job as a teacher and told her I liked it and why.

Because she did come across “warm” when I opened her, I shot for the insta-date. Meaning I pitched, “what are you up to NOW?” When that night didn’t work, I immediately pitched her another day. I didn’t ask her questions or give her a bunch of options to consider. I set the date and closed.

When she said she was free, I just named a time and place. I don’t want to play that “I dunno, what do you want to do?” game. It leads to chaos.

Also, girls LOVE when men to take the lead. It’s novel in this age and SO EASY TO DO. Most guys these days are such pushover pussies they can’t decide if they want onions on a burger.


Let’s look at another example of a successful Tinder conversation.

How to get a date on tinder successful conversations

They swiped right. They want to meet you. Don’t play games. Meet them!

This conversation at its core is the same thing as the last conversation. Because she didn’t just say “thanks,” but, “hey thanks,” (meaning she put forth just a tiny bit of effort to avoid a one-word response) I assumed this girl to be a warmish lead. I also assumed that by swiping right she wanted to hang out with me.

That is confidence, James. When you are NOT uncertain about something. I was certain that she wanted to hang out. So I needed to stay congruent. My THOUGHTS that she wanted to hang out needed to be conveyed by my WORDS and my ACTIONS.

So how do you develop this confidence? It’s common sense basically: stick to facts. Everything about this girl’s tinder profile could be totally exaggerated or even fake. Her profile might say she’s a sweet homebody when really she’s a total club skank. I can’t possibly know ANYTHING about who she is as a person. The only think I know FOR SURE about the girl on the other end of my Tinder message is this: She swiped right.

Why would she do that unless she was interested? Moving on.

Since I believed she wanted to hang out, I said something about how we could have hung out earlier if only we had chatted sooner. I already knew she was as disappointed as me.

Because I KNEW she wanted to hang out already, I went ahead and was very DIRECT with offering to have lunch with her. That’s what she wanted, so why should I beat around the bush? We both want to hang out so let’s HANG OUT!

Notice that once I asked, she already had date ideas! She wanted to go to the park. She had been WAITING for a confident man to just man the hell up and directly ASK her out. Preferably not a jerk, either.

This is why what you learned about using “funny pick up lines,” didn’t work. They are indirect. Every message you waste on Tinder is another another sign to her that says, “I’m uncertain of whether you like me or not. To attain more certainty (confidence) about this, I’m going to probe you for information. I’ll also joke and hint at us hanging out to gauge where you stand on these ideas.”


You see how simple it is now, James? Quit reading the garbage people post online for clicks. They’ve probably have no idea how to get a girl on Tinder.

You don’t need clever lines. You don’t need witty openers. I didn’t even try to get their numbers!

You don’t have to do anything CrAzY. Just KNOW, with ZERO doubts, that she wants to hang out with you and act accordingly. Assume attraction.

Some Notes About Getting Girls on Tinder

These were not empty dates. There was “action” at the end of each of these dates and there were follow up dates as well (Notice the time stamps of when I talked to each girl. Not a bad week, eh?)

What you aren’t seeing is all of the unresponsive girls who didn’t care to entertain my opener. There are far more of those than girls like the two above. That’s okay, I don’t need EVERY girl. I still had a really great week.

I never let unresponsive girls make me question my opener. Dating is a bit of a numbers game.

If a girl is interested, it doesn’t matter a lot you first say as long as you aren’t a creep. If a girl is interested, she will at least say hello (it requires HALF A SECOND OF HER TIME) and see what your second message might be.

The DATE is where you get to know the girl, NOT Tinder. Don’t waste time talking to girls on Tinder. I’m pretty good at this writing thing and even I can’t accurately convey my vibe, humor, or sarcasm on Tinder so don’t take risks trying to be funny. Just get the girl on the date.

Last note: I AM NOT SPECIAL, JAMES. I am 5’7 in the right shoes. I don’t have much hair left on my head. And I don’t try very hard.

I don’t do anything mind blowing. I just follow these three things above all else:

  • Confident
  • Congruent
  • Direct

The rest is details. That’s it for today. Go put this stuff to work.

Good luck,


P.S. THE best guide out there to learn how to attract women without changing ANYTHING about yourself is Models by Mark Manson.

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

follow me on:

Leave a Comment:

Add Your Reply