How To Boost Your Confidence With Women Using This Easy Trick TODAY!

Boost your confidence with a girl bearded guy and woman

There are few factors as critical for getting women as confidence. You must learn it.

James,

I’m sitting with my latte with no certain idea of what I will write you about today. Let’s start by recapping what we’ve learned so far. We’ve learned that you must be direct when asking a women for her number or for a date because being indirect indicates that you fear rejection. That’s no good because women HATE cowardice. We learned that while it seems that girls like jerks, in reality they just love confidence. So I guess the next logical step is to learn how to be the opposite of a coward. That is, how to boost your confidence with women.

“Be confident.” It’s a cliche now. You can’t go from James Schmo to James Bond because someone said, “Just be confident, bro.” What does that mean anyway? People throw that piece of “advice” around and then expect you to find it on your own.

Here’s the conundrum of confidence: To become confident about something, you must be certain in your ability at something. You can be confident at work and a total wreck in social situations. To be certain of your ability at something, you must experience a relative amount of “success.”

So how can you be confident talking to a girl when any time you have EVER talked to a girl it has ended poorly? Let’s tackle that today.

Let’s Define Confidence

Confidence is just the absence of uncertainty. That simple. A confident person doesn’t show doubt.

There is a super secret trick I hid in there; an important word buried in my description of a confident person. That word is: “show.” A confident person doesn’t SHOW doubt. Aha! There’s your loophole!

You need confidence, but you can’t get it without success. But to achieve success with women you must be confident. It’s a vicious cycle of doom. So eff the cycle. We are going to fake it til we make it. I’ll give you some helpful tricks along the way.

Confidence is a neat thing in that it is portrayed passively. People desperate for a quick result will fail trying to “be” confident because their urgency will reveal their lack of confidence! When people try to actively display confidence, it makes onlookers say, “He’s compensating.” That’s how the “jerks,” shoot themselves in the foot.

I mentioned in my last letters that jerks who wear popped collars and sunglasses at night appear certain of themselves. “On the outside he seems completely assured of himself,” was my exact wording. Don’t fall into this trap either.

Remember that true confidence is passive. It is NOT actively displaying something. It is the ABSENCE of uncertainty.

When you put such loud displays of confidence out there (like stupid clothes), the first thing people are going to assume about you is, “This guy is compensating for something.” i.e. a lack of confidence.

Instead, you wear confidence the way men are supposed to wear jewelry. Hey, let’s talk about jewelry for a minute.

When a man wears jewelry, he shouldn’t wear gaudy conspicuous items, as this will trigger the automatic “compensation” assumption.

People who buy gaudy accessories are so afraid of being perceived as poor that they will buy outrageous accessories to prove the opposite.

When people see someone who is sporting overtly conspicuous chains, bracelets, watches, and rings, they resent it. This is because the offender gives off the vibe that he is trying to put himself above everyone around him. Thus, he is compensating for an obvious inferiority.

While we are on the subject, men should accessorize with sleek jewelry that quietly complements other items. Personally, I love silver jewelry (you basically have a choice of gold versus silver). I have a nice silver band watch, white gold (appears silver) ring, and a thin stainless steel (silver in color) belt buckle. That’s all that’s needed.

Being subtle shows you aren’t “trying.” That’s what confidence is all about.

On that note, one of the most overlooked men’s accessory is a pair of colorful socks. People never really think about it but socks are a great and subtle way to add flare to your outfit without going overboard. If you have a nice pair of shoes on, it can make any outfit exponentially more impressive.

In fact, go buy yourself some new Cole Haan Oxfords (I have a couple pairs of these in different colors) and some patterned socks (I like these for you because they give you some great school color options) the next chance you get.

Patterned dress socks shoes pants style mens fashion

I am always getting compliments on my patterned dress socks. Such a subtle difference maker.

So that’s enough about style now. I don’t want you to get too immersed in style right now and here’s why:

I don’t want you trying to “buy” confidence. New clothes, new haircut, all these things temporarily boost your confidence. They are even marketed that way. “Look great, feel great.”

They make you feel confident because for a time you are more certain of your appearance and confidence is the absence of uncertainty. After a while this placebo wears off and you’re back to the mall or whatever.

It’s the same thing with booze. You drink to boost your confidence and when that wears off it’s back to the bar or liquor store.

Instead, we want to truly eliminate uncertainty or comes as close as possible. This is actually a big challenge. If everyone could do this, the world would be overrun with millionaires.

I have doubts all day every day. Before I started writing my first letter to you I doubted that I was even qualified to share this advice. Doubts are a regular part of life. Everyone experiences doubt. The winners just see it and move forward anyway.

That’s what we will train you to do. Once you get over that initial hump and start seeing successes, it will boost your confidence. That will gain momentum and snowball, then spill into other areas of your life.

Up to this point, I haven’t delivered much “step-by-step” advice. I hope you aren’t disappointed. No? Thank goodness. The reason I haven’t given you any “step-by-step” how-to’s is because that would not help you.

No offense- but you need to change first. A lot.

First you have to align your thoughts and beliefs with those of a man that women find attractive. Before you can even think about what to “DO” or what to “SAY” you need to learn the rules of the game.

You like football right? You do? Great. Okay, so football. Imagine you had NO CLUE about football and I hired you as the coach of my football team. Then I handed you the playbook that won the Super Bowl and said, “Go get ’em, Tiger.”

Then imagine you went out there with your idea of what the X’s and O’s really meant, what the lines and arrows indicated, and you tried to put together a football team and win. You’d get clobbered right? RIGHT!

Because you didn’t understand the intricacies and nuances of THE GAME. That’s what you’re learning now. I can’t just send you out there with a page from even the winningest playbook when you don’t even understand THE GAME.

What if I just told you how to run a slant? Could you win the game then? No sir! That’s why you aren’t learning “say this, say that.” That’s horse shit. Because guess what happens when something unexpected occurs? You’re caught there like a deer in headlights with no clue what to do.

Now, mind you, nobody can teach you EVERY SINGLE THING about how to act when something goes wrong. Sometimes a pulling guard trips and you have to improvise. That’s what understanding the game does. It allows you to improvise.

If I just hand you a playbook and then the defense changes formations, what would you do? Same thing with our advice here.

If I hand you a script and send you out there with no understanding of the game and then a girl throws you a curve ball (switching sports on you now, watch out!) you’ll be no better off than going in blind.

Without knowing the rules first, you’d be asking me over and over, and over, “What do I say if she says this? What do I do if she does that?” So on and so on.

You see, what I offer to you instead are the tools to design your own plays. Instead of asking me what to say, ask yourself, “What would a man certain of himself say?” Or if you are unsure of that answer, you could think to yourself, “Women hate cowardice. Is what I’m doing something a coward would do? How can I change it?”

You don’t need step by steps and how-to’s when you understand the game.

All that said, I AM still going to give you SOME little tricks to help you out. Right now, as a matter of fact.

How To Boost Your Confidence With Women Using This Simple Trick

It actually requires that you do, basically, nothing. And this is one of my FAVORITE confidence building tactics.

You ready for it? You are. Good, because I’m excited. Let’s go.

You can practice this anywhere, but there is one super easy way to get started.

Go to the grocery store, the gas station, whatever, and have a woman check you out (your groceries, not your fanny).

She might ask you something generic: “Find everything okay?” (Why do they even ask that? Wouldn’t I have asked for help before checking out?) You say: “Yup. How are you doing today?”

That’s it. That’s the secret tactic.

Pretty disappointing, right? Yeah, you’re right. There’s a little more to it.

Here’s the secret: From the moment you reach the register, HOLD EYE CONTACT. When you ask her how she is doing today, LOOK HER RIGHT IN THE EYEBALL. It’s going to surprise you how strange this simple act feels.

The average person cannot do this.

(I actually cover it quite a bit in Hang-Ups and Hangovers)

Eye contact requires no effort, and it rocks women’s world (and scares the shit out of other men). Now this particular woman at the register may be no Emma Watson, but that’s not the point. The point is to experience the difference in the interaction when you HOLD EYE CONTACT. That’s part one.

So there’s more? Yup.

Ready for part two? You’re going to love this. It’s more of the same stuff I’ve been preaching.

Part two is SAY NOTHING ELSE.

After you ask her how she is doing, then you WAIT. You are not allowed to talk unless she asks you a direct question. Keep the eye contact and wait for her to answer.

People don’t do this either! They can’t! Prolonged silence KILLS the average person.

As soon as she answers your first question your immediate reaction will be to fill the silence. “Oh yeah? That’s cool. I hear ya.” Blah blah. DON’T. No more, my man. You shut the hell up.

Part two is about making HER fill the silence. Hold eye contact and whoever talks first loses. Seconds feel like hours when you do this (at first).

Sometimes I’ll look at girls very expectantly, like, “ANNNNDD???” (but don’t say anything; raise your brow or something) and then BOOM! They talk! I win!

Never wonder “how to talk to girls” again! (not entirely true, running entire conversations like this can be pretty terrible)

The exercise is about remaining calm and making her fill the silence. A confident man doesn’t need to fill the silence. He is comfortable even when others are uncomfortable.

Keep the eye contact. If she looks away no big deal. Look away for a moment (You don’t want to stare her down, that creeps them out) then eyes right back on hers and lock in.

At first this will feel intense. You’ve probably never really looked a stranger directly in the eyes until this. I bet you don’t even realize that.

But when you get good at it, it’s so worth it. Let me paint you a picture.

You’re looking into your dream girl’s eyes (The Perfect Woman) and standing just within the barrier of her “bubble.” She locks in on your gaze. She can’t help but be mesmerized by your calm, collected demeanor. You smile, for no reason besides you know that at any second she will break.

You’ve seen it HUNDREDS of times. You’ve prepared for this. They can’t stand the silence. The tension. Her face glows bright red. She smiles broadly and looks away. “What?” she giggles. “What are you thinking right now?” But you don’t answer. She’s so cute, all nervous. “Tell me!” She pleads.

And you did it all by looking at her eyeballs. Think about it.

That’s it for today.

Give this a shot and remember: Confidence is the absence of uncertainty.

Good Luck,

Kyle

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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