How Long Should I Wait To Text Her If She Hasn’t Replied?

How long should I wait to text again if she has not replied

I recently covered a question on my YouTube from Reddit under the “Dating Advice,” subreddit and the question basically is, “How long should I wait to text back if she hasn’t replied?”

Let me go ahead and summarize this story for you quickly…

This guy had a bad experience and swore off dating entirely, saying it was never gonna happen for him. Sill, he kept his Plenty of Fish and OkCupid profiles (here is a free trial I found, Match is far more sophisticated than POF and OkCupid and geared toward serious daters) and he checked them regularly. Then he saw a girl who was very attractive, matched his interests very closely, and they hit it off.

They’ve been texting every day since, but today she hasn’t hit him up!

So he’s wondering, if today is Friday, should he wait until Sunday if he doesn’t hear back from her by then? Is that too long or too soon?

He’s thinking about exchanging numbers in case texting is easier than the website messenger, and he’s having all of these conflicting issues and thoughts. Like, “I can’t tell if I’m rushing things or taking too long and losing a girl’s interest. Advice please!”

The Power Of Not Caring

First, let’s take this step by step. So you swore off dating. Notice that when you don’t give a shit any more, that’s when things start working in your favor.

That’s part of being confident, direct and congruent. That’s when I had my revelation: when I stopped giving a shit.

It all of a sudden just clicked. Because I was being confident, direct and congruent, meaning I was totally myself. You were totally yourself and look what happened; you met a chick that was the perfect match for you!

You were like, “Hey, I like that one.” And instead of trying, you we’re just yourself and what came naturally was a good match.

That’s the whole point I’ve been trying to make.

When you stop trying so hard, things just work out for you. They just happen and it clicks, because you just act like yourself and you know what you want.

I have to make some speculation because I don’t know much about you, but it looks almost like you’re regressing to old dating habits. You’re no longer acting like yourself, you’re over-analyzing.


Don’t let your brain get in the way of your happiness. Stop overthinking!

I don’t think that’s who you are naturally. Maybe you are, but to over-analyze causes you to act incongruent. Meaning you change your pattern or behavior because you’re either anxious or you’re trying to figure out the next step. Trying to figure out what she’s waiting for or what she’s thinking about this or that.

Which is one of the reasons I hate texting!

I don’t really like texting in general because there is a lot of mind games or over analysis involved. “What does this emoji mean, what do three exclamation points mean?” (It’s usually good). “He waited 20 minutes this time, and 10 minutes last time.”

See, all this thinking comes into play and I hate overthinking. I don’t wanna think, I just wanna DO.

Focus On The End Game – Ask Her Out!

What I’m getting at with all of this is, don’t let this pattern of behavior rear it’s ugly head again and sabotage you. Instead, let’s look at the end game here. Where is this all going?

You’ve been texting every day for several days and now you’re thinking about giving her your number? The whole point of this game, Plenty of Fish, Ok Cupid, all the messages is to go on dates!

Maybe she’s just wondering, “Is this guy ever gonna ask me out?” Maybe she’s busy Friday and Saturday and can’t text or message you because other guys are hitting her up and asking her out, because she’s on a dating site! She wants to go on dates. Ask her out!

You guys clicked, you hit it off, you have common interests. But you’re not asking her out. It’s time to go ahead and say, “Hey, we really seem to click, I want to see if we’d be a good fit in person.”

You don’t have to say it like that, that’s off the top of my head. Say, “I’m really enjoying this, let’s hang out. What are you doing tomorrow?”

Just get to it. Quit thinking. You’re getting inside your head too much. Realize that you got a match on your dating profile that you’re hitting it off with and that is the whole purpose.

It’s not a chat website, it’s a dating website. Plenty of Fish. That’s the name of the game, what it’s all about. You need to get back to being who you are. That guy that doesn’t give a shit. Just be confident, direct and congruent.

Confidence, Directness, and Congruence

Confident enough to say, “I dig you, you seem to be my type. Let’s hang out.” And that’s direct. Confident enough to know she’s gonna say yes. Direct that you go for it. Congruent that you go for it and don’t change your pattern of regular behavior.

Congruence means you are you, act you, do you, and behave just like the cool, relaxed guy you are.

You don’t overthink or try to plan or strategize. When you plan and strategize it just shows. It just resonates off of you and it’s unattractive when you get like that.

My advice is super long-winded but it comes with the point that you did everything right and when things started going perfect for you, you regressed.

Get off that path, because I think you’re on the way to happiness and I don’t want you to sabotage yourself at this critical juncture. If you’re hitting it off, ask her out.

How Long Should I Wait To Text Her If She Hasn't Replied?
Article Name
How Long Should I Wait To Text Her If She Hasn't Replied?
You're wondering, if today is Friday, should I wait until Sunday to text if I don't hear back from her? Is that too long or too soon? When do I text?

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

follow me on:

Leave a Comment:

Add Your Reply