Should I Not Get My Hopes Up? Taking It One Date At A Time

Should I Not Get My Hopes Up

Today we’re gonna cover a topic from Reddit under the subreddit, “Dating Advice.” The question is, “Should I not get my hopes up?” Let’s dive right into this question.

This guy had an awesome date with this girl. They got dinner, walked through the park and had an awesome time. In passing, she told him she had just gotten out of a relationship only two weeks ago. He didn’t think much of it. She friended him on Facebook and there were a lot of photos of her with the ex. Even anniversary pics. They had dated a long time.

Our OP is concerned because he likes the girl a lot. “We have a lot of the same hobbies and she’s really cute. I’m just worried that this will end up being more of a lovers’ spat between the two of them and I’m just the rebound. Am I overthinking this?”

Should I Not Get My Hopes Up?

Should you not get your hopes up? I say yes AND no! You should not get your hopes up, but not for the reasons you think.

What I mean by that is you are on your first date. You really shouldn’t be looking much further ahead than the second date at this point.

What you are talking about is WAY too forward thinking. You are looking WAY beyond the second date to ask a question like this.

Instead I say DO NOT get your hopes up, but most definitely DO NOT stop hanging out with a chick that makes you happy over some hypothetical you dreamed up in your head!

Sure if something goes wrong down the road, you’ll deal with it then. But don’t ditch course now! That is basically an ego preservation move to make sure you never get hurt. Lame!

Don’t stop hanging out with a chick until it RATIONALLY makes sense to stop hanging out with a chick. Like in real life. Not in a hypothetical.

Take It One Step At A Time

It’s cool to understand what her situation is and be aware of it, but should you not get your hopes up is the question, and I don’t think that’s really something you should be worried about at this stage.

beautiful girl posing

You had a date that went really well and I think what has happened is, you are almost afraid of two things.

You’re kind of afraid of success and afraid of failure here. You’ve got to approach this with a certain level of detachment. Don’t get your hopes up but don’t stop pursuing. What I mean by that is take it one date at a time. Don’t look any further than the next date.

Don’t start planning your wedding and your children and all that crazy stuff right now. You’ve had one whole date. If it makes you happy to hang out with this chick, then continue to hang out with this chick because it makes you happy. Do it for you.

Go ahead and do that a couple more times and I think once you get to date number four or five, chances are some questions are gonna start stirring around, and she might even be the one to ask you, “what is this? Where is this going?” It’s normally the girl that speaks it first.

Should you not get your hopes up? Yes and no. there’s no point in getting the carriage in front of the horse, but there is definitely no benefit to stopping now. If you stop now it’s only the product of fear.

Fear Is Holding You Back

Fear that you’ll be let down or you’ll get hurt. Or you’ll fail. Like you’ll go after something and you’ll get rejected. She’ll get back with this other guy and it will hurt your feels.

I get that, it does suck, but the alternative is none of that happens and you actually just have a good time with an awesome chick that you connect with and have a lot of fun with.

It just doesn’t make sense. I would much rather see you try something and fall flat on your face. That’s far more respectable than to back out before you even have the opportunity to fail because you’re afraid of that failure. You’re afraid of that rejection. That’s a lot less respectable.

That’s not manly, that’s not brave, that’s not bold. That’s not what this is about. It’s about being confident, brave and bold, and going after what you want.

So my answer to should I not get my hopes up is, don’t get your hopes too high. Don’t start predicting the future and where this is gonna go in 10 years. Just focus on the next date, and after that date, focus on the next date. I think it’s gonna be a lot easier.

Stay Detached To Start

Always have a certain level of detachment until you’re an exclusive couple and you’ve said, “I’m not gonna talk to other girls besides you and you’re not gonna talk to other guys besides me.” At that point, you have a little bit more invested and you can be a little more hopeful for the future and be a little more forward thinking.

At this initial dating stage, that’s all you’ve got: You’ve got the next date. So just look forward to that. Take it one step at a time, I think you’re gonna have a lot more fun with this.

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Should I Not Get My Hopes Up? Taking It One Date At A Time
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Should I Not Get My Hopes Up? Taking It One Date At A Time
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Should you not get your hopes up? I say yes and no! You should not get your hopes up, but not for the reasons you think. You are being way too for...

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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