Lazy Man’s Way to Find the Perfect Girlfriend – Be Yourself

be yourself How to find the perfect girlfriend wizard cow

Learn how to take advantage of your lamest interests (like wizard cows) to land the perfect girlfriend.


Last time I wrote you I spoke about confidence. We learned that confidence is just the absence of uncertainty and I gave you a great confidence building trick to try. To get a girlfriend, you need to practice that confidence boosting trick as often as possible. You can do it at the grocery store or any shop you go to, and it can literally be done on anyone at anytime. It is one of the most simple yet powerful ways to boost your confidence. Continue to practice that trick in real life. Today I want to talk about how to find your perfect girlfriend.

Let’s Start with Being Yourself, or Congruence

Congruence is kind of abstract, but it basically means your actions match your words and your thoughts or vibe. The reason you want to be congruent is it is the best way to find a woman who is a great match for you. It’s like a natural filter that screens out women who you wouldn’t click with.

Congruence is an area where a lot of guys go wrong. They want to learn these skills to become playboys, and they think they can use tricks to get any girl they want. If they pursue a girl and she shoots them down, it hurts their poor ego. Remember what I said: kill your ego.

Your ego will always work against you. When there is a girl you want who doesn’t want you back, your ego will become spiteful, defensive, and angry. It will make you try harder or lash out, which will make her resent you more.

Let us dispel a big fat myth right now. There is no magic pill, no secret trick, that gets you EVERY girl you talk to. Ignore the internet marketers because it just won’t happen. Accept this as fact.

Keeping in mind that you can’t learn a trick to get ANY girlfriend you want, wouldn’t you want to make sure you aren’t wasting any of your time on girls who aren’t interested in you? Or better yet, wouldn’t you want to know quickly if you are even interested in them? You do? Good.

That’s probably a foreign concept at this point. CHOOSING the girlfriend you like instead of SETTLING for the one who will take you. Nothing to be ashamed of. Most men will never put forth the effort to learn these skills and earn such selection like you are. And that’s why so many men coast along in their mediocre relationships in misery. And watch porn.

On that note. No more porn. Watching porn is bad for a bunch of reasons but we’ll just focus on the addiction aspect of it. Like any other addiction, porn satisfies an itch.

You have a sexual craving. It’s in your nature. It’s normal. Porn is the quick fix.

As long as you have porn to fall back on, you will never become good with women. Why not? Because porn is easy. And when you are feeling lazy, tired, scared, or any negative emotion, you will always choose the easy way out. It’s so much easier than mustering up the courage and putting forth the effort to talk to an attractive woman, which can be pretty intimidating.

No more porn. Once you toss it from your life, you will find yourself exponentially more motivated to meet women.

Now, back to congruence and selection. The reality is we don’t want to just get you a girlfriend. We want to get you a QUALITY girlfriend. A girl you enjoy. We want you to find your perfect girlfriend, so you don’t end up like the miserable fappers who settled because they didn’t learn these skills.

That’s why you want to get No’s quickly. The sooner you cross a girl off, the sooner you can move on to a girl who is a great match for you!

Be Yourself

I’m going to throw another cliche your way. “Just be yourself.” Just like, “be confident,” this line is thrown around with the best of intentions and the least follow through guidance.

There is no faster way to get a great girlfriend who fits you best than to “just be yourself.” This goes hand in hand with being confident too. By doing one, you often do the other.

What I mean by being yourself is that you must be unapologetically you. You must act like the Jamesest James that you can be. Absolutely no holds barred, James. Every word that comes out of your mouth in front of a woman should make your best friend go, “That’s so James.”

Incongruity usually occurs with the best of intentions. It is often that guys just want to be liked by everyone. So they put on some sort of front to satisfy whoever they are around. This is not a confident move.

Incongruity displays the insecurity of a man who can’t stand the idea of not being liked or accepted. It is putting on a mask to appear as someone you are not, implying that the real you is not good enough. If you are ashamed of yourself then you are a coward. Therefore, women despise incongruity and you should too. (You see all these lessons building on each other now?)

Furthermore, when you try to be something you are not, the facade comes with an element of uncertainty. That’s not really who you are so that’s not really how you behave. You are pretending to be someone else to impress a girl and you are going to constantly be struggling to figure out “what would impress this girl?”

The moment you question yourself uncertainty exudes from your body. She will sense it and then you are dead in the water.

Don’t try to be funny. Don’t try to be suave. Don’t try to be anything. Just be yourself. Align your thoughts, words, and actions and you will be congruent.

How to Find the Perfect Girlfriend

When you are you, be so unapologetically. In this PC world you must be unabashed in your likes and dislikes. This will come to your aid in multiple ways. It will:

  • Filter out girls who would never like you faster
  • Project confidence, turning on girls who were lukewarm about you
  • Allow you to observe reactions and decide if this is a girl you would want to spend more time with

Now I’m not saying show all your meanness and prejudices in the world right after hello. I’m not saying be rude either. You should know better than to be rude to anyone if you can avoid it.

Instead, I insist that you be passionately comfortable with your quirks and interests, and be honest with your dislikes.

For instance, if you LOVE something other people think is corny, EMBRACE it. I love playing Hearthstone. I love watching Adult Swim cartoons. I can play Gears of War for hours. I watch OTHER people play video games on YouTube sometimes!

I love analyzing relationship dynamics, psychology, dating habits, masculinity, and people watching. Some of these things might seem odd to other people. I enjoy reading personal finance books, business books, writing books about dating. Etc etc. Because I embrace my likes and share them, I have friends to play video games with and talk about business.

I do NOT like big crowds or loud venues. I embrace my dislikes as well as my likes. As a result, I have cultivated a group of friends who I have fun with and click with. I never find myself being dragged to raves and clubs that I HATE just to “fit in.”

When you do things you enjoy with people you like, the women you meet are more likely to share common interests with you.

Your likes and dislikes are also great conversation opportunities that are SO MUCH MORE interesting than “where ya from? Ohhh, Wilmington? Do you know John? Ya know, John, with the hair. Yeah, I guess Wilmington is a kind of big place and John is a really common name. What did you major in? Biology? Ohhhhh. Cool, cool.”

Shoot me.

The truth is, you probably love a lot of quirky, unique things that you don’t really share with others. Maybe because you think they won’t be able to relate or appreciate that aspect of you.

find your ideal girlfriend

Don’t tell me you love laying in piles of apples, too? Take me now!

A confident man isn’t worried that he will come off as eccentric or even weird. He knows what he likes and dislikes, and he doesn’t put on a mask for other people. His thoughts, words, and actions all line up.

If he likes something, he says it and does it. If he dislikes something, he says it and doesn’t do it. He is congruent.

Sounds so simple, but so many men miss here. They will not experience the happiness you will with your perfect girlfriend, James.

Once you reach that point where you are unapologetically you, you will begin to share those unique things about yourself freely (i.e. be yourself), and that will resonate with the exact right girl who has been WAITING for someone interesting to appear.

That’s it for today.

Good Luck,


About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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