3 Surprising Reasons the First Date Should Be All About the Guy

guy smiling in the woods First dates should be about the guy

Men are pressured to find fun and exciting first date ideas to impress girls. That is actually The Worst thing a guy can do. You’ll be surprised why.

James,

You got a number! Congrats! And from the very girl you missed at the party last weekend! I’m impressed and proud. Now that you have a girl’s number, today’s letter is dedicated to the first date. First, I want to congratulate you on the things you did RIGHT. Let’s look over your recount of the events and break it all down. I’ll cut right to the juicy part.

“Well I noticed her and she noticed me again. I don’t know what possessed me in that moment but I went up to her and talked to her. And I held my silence. As far as I know I was direct, confident and congruent in those few minutes we talked. She looked a little uncomfortable during the silence but she broke it and talked. We talked about 10 minutes, exchanged numbers and I’m taking her out Monday.”

Man, this is TEXTBOOK! Let’s talk about all the great things you did right.

  • You saw her looking your way, and you assumed attraction.
  • You went STRAIGHT TO HER. Remember, we only have three seconds to make a move once we see her or our ego will interfere.
  • You said she looked uncomfortable during the silence. That is totally okay. Actually, that is the point. You hold that silence until she fills it for you. A weak man would break the silence to relieve her comfort. Most men cannot deal with silence and you handled it like a champ!
  • You talked for 10 minutes. But you got the number. This is an indicator that you got straight to the point, the way a direct man SHOULD. Indirect boys would dance around asking for the number or tell silly jokes to “trick” her into giving up her digits. Excellent work.
  • You exchanged numbers and are taking her out Monday. GREAT. Monday is a great day for a first date because people don’t often have a lot going on during weeknights. (Tuesday and Wednesday are my favorite date nights)

You Got The Number…Now What?

So you don’t have plans other than to meet on Monday. No problem. That’s a great start.

Step 1: Forget EVERYTHING you’ve ever heard about first dates EVER

I’m serious. Everything you THINK you know about first dates, romance, being original- dump it from your brain. It’s poison.

Classic first date advice is the rom com bullshit advice that is excessive, incongruent, and creates way too much pressure for both parties.

Don’t google “Fun things to do in Greenville,” or “First date ideas,” or tips, or anything like that. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It’s wrong because:

You ALREADY KNOW WHAT’S FUN TO DO. Let me explain.

Here’s what you’ll do instead…

Think of your first date like this: It’s 80% about you, 20% about her.

Now I just made this up, so let’s see if I can make it make sense.

Why 80% you and 20% her? Seems selfish, right? Well, there are a few good reasons.

REASON 1: We want you to stay congruent.

Staying congruent is the only way to be confident and attractive, so if you spend too much time trying to put yourself in HER shoes, guessing what would please HER, you will probably be shooting in the dark and definitely become incongruent.

If you step out of what you normally do and enjoy for a girl, you will be incongruent.

  • You want to go where you are most comfortable.
  • That way you’ll naturally be excited to go.
  • It is ideal if you know the staff so when you walk in you can shake hands, wave at waitresses, and all that jazz.
  • It is doubly ideal if this place is within 3 miles of your place.

Remember how in both Hang-Ups and Hangovers AND Redheads and Bedspreads almost ALL the first dates were at the same place? That’s how you should do it.

Think of your favorite place. Your favorite bar or dinner spot, whatever. That’s where your first date is.

REASON 2: We are looking for a great match for YOU!

If you take a girl on a date that is pretty standard to your lifestyle, it will quickly allow you to gauge whether this person is a fit for you or not.

If you take her somewhere you never go just so SHE has a good time, what about the 2nd and 3rd date? It will be harder to “switch” to stuff you like if you are taking her to other types of stuff first.

  • You don’t want to set a precedent of going places you hate on your very first date.

Take her somewhere you like going. If she has fun, that’s a good sign she’s “keeper” status.

First date ideas bowling

I’ve seen the articles online recommending bowling and putt putt for first dates. But what if you hate both? How is your date supposed to have fun if you’re miserable?

REASON 3: It is a man’s role to take the lead.

Women constantly complain that guys NEVER HAVE A PLAN. They will HATE you if you pick them up and then go: “So uhhh, what do you wanna do?” LAME! Don’t be that guy, James.

  • If you know the place you are going, trust it, and know that Monday at 7pm is a great time to go to xyz bar because they have karaoke, trivia, or whatever YOU like to do, then you take the responsibility off her shoulders. She just has to go enjoy herself.

Let me tell you a story about this being successful…

A First Date Success Story

One time I was out with a girl at my favorite bar on a Wednesday night. The bar was full so I picked a booth in the corner and sat beside her.

People hate on couples that sit beside each other in booths and I agree to a POINT. If it’s your girlfriend, there’s no need for it. Since it was our first date, I was NOT about to put a table between us. Avoid tables for more than 20ish minutes at all costs.

Anyways, things were going good. We talked. We were side by side, legs touching. I stroked her hand and we held hands for a bit. I went in for a kiss. She slipped the tongue. Textbook. I’d done it a hundred times. Everything was going smoothly. Then I had an idea.

This was a great night for karaoke across the street at a total DUMP. I asked her if she had ever been. She said no. I said we had to go and we left right then.

The bar I took her to was SKETCHY. It was a dump. It stunk. But that was kind of the allure.

On the way over I told her, “This place is such a dump, but once you get there you’ll understand. It’s like watching a train wreck.” I loved that bar.

Any “sane” person would tell you DO NOT TAKE A GIRL THERE.

So what did I do? I did the opposite because people think they know what works and they don’t have a CLUE.

We got in there and it was better than I could’ve hoped. There was some sort of office party. A bunch of bloated, drunk, older people in business casual dancing around. It was a Wednesday and it wasn’t even late but they were plastered.

Someone on stage was trying to sing Down with the Sickness by Disturbed.

Total shit show.

I loved it. I wasn’t worried about my date’s perception of the place. I knew it was a good time. No uncertainty in my body.

Inside the door I turned to her with a giant smile and said, “Isn’t this the weirdest place you’ve EVER BEEN!”

She totally mirrored my excitement. “Oh my god, this place is nuts! I never knew this was here!”

And guess what? We had a blast.

Do the Right Thing By Your Date – Put Yourself First

Understand, James, that it is not rude to put yourself first. It is for the benefit of your date that you do what you think is the most fun thing to do on a Monday.

Even if on paper it seems boring, or even stupid, if it is what YOU enjoy doing on Monday’s you will be genuinely excited like I was at that shitty karaoke dive bar.

You will be authentic, congruent, and ultimately it will offer clues as to whether or not this girl is a good fit for you.

EXCEPT going to the movies. Don’t ever take a girl to the movies on the first date. I don’t care how much you love it. Do your second favorite thing if you must.

That’s it for today.

Good Luck,

Kyle

About the Author Kyle Milligan

I'm Kyle Milligan, I write New Adult Books that don't suck. i.e. The Hang-Ups and Hangovers series. I like to write about the challenges of being a single twenty-something in today's hookup culture. My blog offers Dating Advice For Men.

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